Jo's story: life as a nanny.

Today we have as our guest blogger, Jo, who is one of the consultants at Rogan Family Care.  I had to really twist her arm to get her to write for us, but I'm sure you'll agree she has done an excellent job of  telling her story and reflecting on her life as a nanny. When you read it you will understand how fortunate we are to have her and her wealth of nanny experience as part of our team. 

My name is Jo, and I have been working with children full time since 1997. Originally I wanted to be a child psychologist so that's what I studied at Uni.  In my final year I ran out of funds so, while I looked for a job, I volunteered at an Early Learning Centre.  After a few weeks they offered me a permanent role and I loved it so much I stayed there for three years.  I was very fortunate to work with some amazing teachers. Through their instruction, my previous studies, and professional development, I learnt a lot about children and a whole lot about myself.  

My first real nanny job was after school care for a daughter of one of the parents at the centre. Then, like most nannies, I gained more work through word of mouth recommendations.  I signed up to a few nanny agencies and worked as a temporary nanny and agency centre worker.  I can't recommend enough to people who are new to the childcare industry how important it is to be exposed to a wide variety of centres and in home situations.  You'll see some less than great ones for sure, but what you'll gain from the experiences will give you so much to draw on in your future career.

After a while I settled down and worked for one family at a time again. This is still my favourite type of nanny work.  The bonds you build with the children and parents can last for many years after you stop working with them.  Seeing your hard work pay off when previously 'difficult' children respond to consistency and positive attention and watching 'unconfident' parents become more empowered is really rewarding.  

As many nannies do, I started taking work that included extensive overseas travel. With the years of experience came positions with 'high-profile' families.  Inevitably I encountered my share of 'difficult' clients, which I think is par for the course in this industry.  These more difficult experiences reinforced to me how important job satisfaction really is, and, on a personal note, that money really can't buy happiness. 

Most nannies I know who work for ‘high-profile’ clients are very good at multitasking.  I never really encountered the cliché ‘sit in the cafe and chat’ nannies you sometimes hear about. Helping run a large home, with household staff, travel, purchases, parties, appointments, school applications and basically doing whatever a client wakes up wanting can be a real challenge.  It can also be a hell of a lot of fun.  You meet people and have experiences that most people never will.  I think this is because being a nanny is such an 'inbetween/ambiguous' position in a large household.  You can't hide downstairs with the other staff.  Even though you're an employee you still go where the family goes (and if you have a great boss, you get to go some fabulous places without them as well!)  

I've learnt so much about myself through working with children.  Being exposed to so many different situations, countries, and ways of living definitely changed my life. 

I'd recommend nannying as a profession to anyone wanting a career with children.  If you love children, are open to new experiences, thrive on challenges and routines, and don't feel embarrassed singing Wiggles songs in the supermarket, it could be the career for you. 

What is it about housework?

Perhaps it's the title: housework.  Yes, maintaining the everyday running of a house is work. It involves cleaning, shopping, washing, possibly ironing (unless you believe in the 'clean but crumpled approach'!), cooking and lots of planning to get it all done.

There are those who are dedicated to a spotless environment where, as the saying goes, 'you can eat off the floor'.  Then there are those who like clean and tidy but are more relaxed.  And then there are those who are a bit chaotic, and vary from untidy to downright dirty.  Some of us have periods when elements of each of these might apply.  I remember a mother I worked with in the community who had a serious drug problem and mental health issues for whom housework was therapy: when she felt her life sliding out of control she would wash her flat and everything in it, including the walls and window coverings, a most positive approach.

When you have a nanny, various issues about housework may arise:

• The nanny may be untidy and leave the children's toys and other belongings lying around, and not clean up after meal preparation.  This certainly requires action.  Be clear about what you expect in the way of standards, which in all honesty shouldn't be higher than your own.
• You may expect the nanny to do housework, washing, cleaning, ironing or cooking for you as you feel they need to use the time you are paying them for while the children are having their sleep.  This also requires action, as the nanny is entitled to some 'down time' during the day, and unless employed as a 'nanny housekeeper', general housework is not part of the normal duties for a nanny.  This is an area that should be dealt with initially as part of the employment agreement.  If the nanny is employed to care for children, the agreement should spell out the areas of housework required which are generally preparing meals for the children, maintaining their bedrooms, doing their washing and tidying away their toys. If the nanny is employed as a nanny/housekeeper far more housework should be specified and the rate of pay increased to cover the extra duties.  If a nanny believes that the housework required of her is beyond the agreement it is right for her to make her views known to you and if the matter cannot be resolved, to involve the Agency.

When a nanny goes to work in someone's house, she may also have issues:

• As already mentioned the work may be different from the employment agreement and it is appropriate to address this issue, first with the family and then, if necessary, with the Agency.
• The nanny may be confronted by very different standards of housework, tidiness and hygiene than she is comfortable with.  Sometimes these standards may be higher than those of the nanny and in that case, it is important that the nanny conforms to the expected standard.  Unfortunately, sometimes the standards may be somewhat less, and in that case the nanny has at least three possible courses of action:

1. If the overall standard is quite dirty and unhygienic, the nanny is best to contact the Agency for advice, as the Agency has a duty of care to ensure the nannies are in a clean and safe environment.
2. If the house is very untidy, the nanny should endeavour to set a good standard in her areas of duty so that in matters relating to the children everything is clean and tidy.
3. If the nanny has a good rapport with the family, she can also use discussion and her own example to help re-educate the family!

As always, the secret to maintaining a good relationship between nanny and family is good communication and the use of non-blaming and inflammatory language.  And remember, for both nanny and family, the Agency can assist in working through issues.

I would be interested to hear your experiences, both nannies and families and how you have solved the issue of housework and different standards.  Please leave your comments below.

Welcoming a new baby into the family

With a new baby arriving in my extended family yesterday I've been having lovely baby thoughts!  I must admit I really love new babies: their little snuffling noises, their amazingly mobile faces, often contorted in pain as they deal with unaccustomed feelings in their tummies, their bleary slightly drunken look after being fed and their utter helplessness.  This time we welcome a little girl, and of course congratulate the parents on their first born child.  And great grandmother has yet another little one to love.

The birth of a baby is a time of great excitement for a family.  A first born is a great thrill, of course, but each one is special, especially as they are introduced, with varying reactions, to their older siblings.  I was watching a fascinating documentary on SBS about marriage in 20th Century Britain, and one poor farmer's wife had 16 children, and although she wasn't thrilled as her family got larger, and they often struggled to manage, she and her husband had a rule never to discuss adult things in front of the children so as not to worry them.  The children were put to bed by 8.30, and the couple would sit either side of the fire and talk over the day and all their concerns, frustrations, lost dreams and hopes for the future.  She wasn't a highly educated, well read woman, but she had found a simple and highly effective way to raise her children: ensure that they were loved and cared for to the best of both parents abilities and to maintain good communication with her husband.

Thinking about this, I can't help but wonder whether we make the whole notion of parenting far too hard. The growth of psychology has given us all sorts of information and theories about child development which are valuable, but alongside this has become a growing pressure to raise the perfect child.  Popular interpretation of Freud's work led to mothers being blamed for all the difficulties their children were having , and over the years this has extended to both parents being blamed.  The media report defence barristers detailing the terrible childhood their clients have had in an effort to explain that offences were not really the fault of their clients.  So how can the average parent react but to try to be the best possible parent.  But whose theory should they follow?  And what happens if the advice doesn't seem to work?  Anxiety, frustration and guilt, and possibly more deeper, complex emotions.

For years experts argued about nature and nurture... is it all in our genes or is it about how we are raised, before coming to the very sensible conclusion that it is a complex mixture of both.  There are obvious things that our children inherit: gender, hair and eye colour, skin tones, build, but there are also things like personality that develop and change over time, but seem also to have some genetic aspects.  I remember someone once saying to me that 'everything the first child is, the second one isn't, and vice versa' which at lest relieved me of the pressure of worrying about why they were different and just accepting that they were, and trying to find different ways of dealing with them.

One thing I do know is that every child is a unique human being, and that even with identical twins, there are some aspects of difference, with often one being more dominant than the other.  As I have said before, the search for a perfect parenting style and guru is fruitless.  Parents need to work on what suits their own personalities, and learn to really know their children, responding to each one in a way that works for that child.  That doesn't mean that there are no general household rules eg about rough or bullying behaviour, manners and general ways of interacting, mutual respect etc.  And it does mean modelling these rules and respecting each other as members of the family, and maintaining good communication between all family members.  It also means being sure to have time that is just for the adults, to discuss adult things, sort out their issues in private and having time to enjoy each other as partners in life, not only as parents, in other words parenting like that 20th Century farming couple.

Links:
Love and Marriage, a Twentieth Century Romance. Ep. 1, SBS Available until 14 June 
The Dance of Parenthood A very popular post from August 2012.

Why have a nanny?

Is choosing to have a nanny a status thing?  Certainly some of the arguments going on about 'middle class welfare' and funding for childcare at present in Australia have a overtones of this idea.  But from my experience in the industry, I believe that is far from the motivation of the families using our service.

I think the reasons most people have nannies are one or more of the following:

• Convenience, for both the parents and the children.  It is far easier to leave the house at say 8am and go straight to work, leaving a nanny responsible for waking, dressing and feeding children, and perhaps taking an older one to school than having to wake children, get them fed and dressed and deliver them to childcare and before-school programs then heading off to work.  And at the other end of the day, too, with 6pm pick up times generally the latest available there is great pressure on working parents to get their children on time after work. Another aspect of convenience is the care of sick children.  Nannies routinely do this as part of their work, whereas a child who is ill is excluded from formal care centres until they have recovered.  This means that a parent either has to take time off work or depend on friends and relatives to provide emergency care.  In the last few days I have noticed complaints from centres about parents dosing sick children up and trying to pass them off as being well.  For children, there is the advantage of being cared for in their own environment, playing with their own toys, and at least in winter, not having to leave and return home in the dark.

• Lack of places for children in family day care, childcare centres and before and after school care.  While in overall number of places, the government may well be right in saying that there are adequate places, they may not be available in areas where families need them, particularly in inner and middle ring suburbs, or for the age groups of the children, particularly those under 2 years old.  And for families able to access places in the outer suburbs, the travel times to the work mean that the limited and inflexible opening hours make them difficult to use.

• The possibility of individual attention for children, particularly when they are very young makes having a nanny an attractive proposition.  Although there are higher staff ratios for young children, and staff members may have particular children assigned for their general care, during the day rosters mean other staff members will be involved in the care of each child.  Nannies work directly with the children in their care, giving them the sort of one to one attention a parent would give.  The same person is involved in their physical care and in meeting their developmental needs, with good professional nannies providing a well rounded program of activities tailored specifically for the children in their care.

• Since the nanny has been chosen by the parents and is working directly for them, there is far greater chance of nanny and parents 'being on the same page' as far as values and child rearing practices.  We encourage the use of work diaries and good communication the ensure this continuity of care so that children are not confused by different limits and attitudes.

• Strangely enough, cost is also a good reason to use a nanny, especially if there are two or more children in the family.  It costs as much to have a nanny for one child as it does for more than one, whereas in other forms of care, the cost is per child.

• Sometimes nannies are placed in families where the main caregiver is ill, and on occasions dying, to supplement the care of the parent and to bring some stability to the children in a situation which is very stressful and demanding. The nannies who do this work, sometimes funded through the federal government In Home Care Program, and sometimes privately funded, have particularly demanding jobs and are much appreciated.  A recently bereaved grandmother described the nannies we provided for her dying daughter's children as 'two angels'.

Most people who come to our agency looking for a nanny are working parents who are looking for a solution to their childcare needs and their motivation falls into one or more of the above categories.  I have yet to meet anyone who wanted a nanny because they thought it was the only appropriate option for someone of their social class!