Chri... the word I've been avoiding!

I've been avoiding it, but now December has started I really can't pretend Christmas is not upon us, though perhaps not, if the predictions of Doomsday on 21 December come to pass.  I have however lived through many such predictions so I think I just have to face reality and the growth of pre-Christmas hysteria: 

Shop 'til you drop... parties... baking... ideas for home-made decorations and gifts... food, food and more food... the odd drop of drink... trees to trim... arrangements for family get-togethers... Carols by Candlelight, all combined with end of year concerts... school break ups and speech nights and complicated by the weather, which in Melbourne at least can be 39 one day and 17 the next. Yes. it's December and we're creeping towards the Christmas climax.

Every year we wonder why we put ourselves through it and promise that it will be simpler, that we will be better organised, all presents will be bought by the end of November...yet somehow the fever strikes again.  

So why do we do it all?

Religious reasons.  For Christians it's the celebration of the birth of Christ, Emmanuel, God with us and is thus the basis for their celebrations, for carol singing, nativity scenes and plays and church services.

Cultural reasons. There is also the cultural overlay of Santa Claus/Father Christmas and a mighty commercial push to give bigger, better, more expensive gifts, to gather friends and families together to eat at tables groaning with food and to drink copiously, again the subject to much advertising.  Christmas has become a celebration of family, or of an ideal we have of family, often not matched by the reality of feuds and undercurrents!

Unavoidable reality. We can't avoid the fact that in Australia Christmas coincides with summer, the end of the school year and the long holidays so there will be a range of school/kinder/child care year activities combined with Christmas ones and younger children in particular will tend to be suffering from end of school tiredness and associated behaviours!

Tradition.  We've always done it this way.  Thus there are the historical images of bush huts sweltering in the heat with women over wood ovens turning out rich roast dinners and hot steamed puddings.  Fortunately over recent years, more and more people are turning to more weather appropriate meals: seafood, cold meats, salads, berries, ice cream puddings, but often each of these changes has been greeted with some mutterings about how 'Mum wouldn't have done it like that.'  And then there are the difficulties when couples marry. Where to go for Christmas: lunch at one and dinner at the other? Christmas Eve at one, Christmas Day at the other?  And still more complicated when there are different cultural and religious traditions in the two families!  And let's not forget all those songs and images of white Christmases!  Still we see Santa arriving on surfboards and fire trucks, by plane in outback communities, by Six White Boomers according to Rolf Harris.  And occasionally we might even sing an Australian Christmas Carol like 'The north wind is tossing the leaves' or the 'Carol of the Birds' to give a taste of reality amongst all that northern hemisphere snow!

Newspapers, magazines and blogs since about September have been full of advice about:

• stress free approaches to it all;

• the need in our wealthy world to adopt a simpler approach;

• the value of taking time to enjoy the excitement, especially of children;

• the fact that many people will go without, so we should give time and money to enable them to share in the seasonal festivities;

• the perennial debate about whether schools, preschools and child care centres should sing Christmas carols or have nativity plays, or even celebrate the season at all out of deference to those of other or no religions

Unfortunately for many in our community, this is a difficult time of the year.

• Those who have lost much loved members of their family during the year face the fist celebration without them.  In our house, we always toast 'absent friends' which brings to mind these family members, and those who are also separated by distance interstate or overseas.
• Alcohol and drugs and the road toll will spoil the season for many families, bringing death, injury, violence and unpleasantness and each year the joy will be tinged with the sadness of remembrance of these events.
• The lonely, mentally ill and the homeless members of our society feel excluded from the spirit of family and togetherness and sentimentality that pervade our celebrations and media.  Many wonderful people give time and effort to including these marginalised members of society in various charity meals, but this cannot completely erase the pain and rates of hospital admissions and suicides soar at this time of year.

Whatever approach you take to Christmas, give generously, receive graciously, enjoy the season and keep safe.

At Susan Rogan Family Care, we wish all our families and their nannies, and all our readers a joyful Christmas season and a happy new year.

Helping and caring...new dirty words?

As a society we seem to have mixed views of helping and caring.  We admire those who care for their elderly parents or disabled children, yet we also label as 'do gooders' or even 'busybodies' people who take on these and other, broader, roles in the community.  We urge our children to help each other, and yet the traditional helping professions like nursing, child care (and nannies) and social work tend to be seen as low status, poorly paid and traditionally, the domain of women.  In fact, men in these professions frequently are found in management rather than directly involved 'at the coal face.'

Recent moves to have those working in child care re-defined as 'early childhood educators and carers', while justified as better describing their role, seems to me to be undervaluing their role as carers. Perhaps being educators will improve their status, though probably not their wages and conditions.

What concerns me is that 'helping' and 'caring' seem to have become dirty words.  We have the expression 'nanny state' that denigrates both nannies and governments that legislate to try to protect people from their own folly eg the current move of some cyclists to abandon wearing crash helmets.  I have heard of young people applying to do social work courses being told that wanting to help people is not an adequate motivation.  Personally,  I can't think of a more important reason.

As a community, we depend on volunteers, helpers and cares, in many areas. The Australian Bureau of Statistics gives a breakdown of the role volunteers play in our society.  We value the work of bodies like the Country Fire Authority, SES, lifesavers and sporting clubs. Often these are now finding it necessary to have paid workers to supplement their volunteers.  Other areas which have depended on volunteers in the past are now experiencing chronic shortages when it comes to areas like foster care, Interchange (respite for children with disabilities), Big Brothers Big Sisters (mentoring for young people).  

I suspect too, that we tend to be prepared to help someone who falls in the street, but not if there is a whiff of alcohol, or they look unkempt or we suspect drugs might be involved; we might buy the Big Issue, because the sellers are helping themselves but bypass the homeless person who begs in the street.  We are reluctant to get involved if people are shouting or appear to be mentally disturbed, not even ringing for assistance.  I was interested when I came to the aid of a young man having a fit at the station, that most people just watched what was happening.  While there are occasional reports of heroes assisting in such circumstances, sometimes being hurt and even killed themselves, most people will just watch or go on about their own business, not even ringing the police.

Certainly, there are times when helping and caring can smother people, devalue their own efforts, and increase their dependency.  This is why we encourage parents to let children face situations that are a little difficult for them to manage easily, to teach children how to solve problems they face, to gradually take responsibility for themselves as they develop skills and maturity.  At the same time, however, we also need to acknowledge times when they simply need help or care:  when they are unwell, when they become so tired or frustrated that they lose their usual ability to think or act for themselves, and when they are in immediate danger.  

We encourage our children to help us in tasks around the house, in clearing up after play, in bringing a nappy to change the baby,  we are teaching them that helping is important, that there are tasks that need to be done for the good of all, that there is always something we can do. We also need to continue to foster in our children a sense of care for each other, not just the older for the younger, but the stronger for the weaker, the more able for the less able.  We need to teach the value of sharing, of including others in our play and in our world, and as they age, the importance of sharing what we have with those who have little or nothing.

Perhaps it is time to stop and think what we really value as a country and to give a higher status to those whose role it is to help other people, and to care for each other.  In this way we can all contribute to the well being of our community, our country and our world.