International Day of People with a Disability.

Today is International Day for People with a Disability, and there have been various events around Australia to mark the occasion, including the Special Olympics 2013 Asia Pacific Games in Newcastle, Awards, art shows, a radio program and a sausage sizzle.  No doubt politicians will be photographed at these or other events as they promote the new National Disability Insurance Scheme which is already under fire for delays in processing and inadequate funding.

The Day was launched 21 years ago by the United Nations at the end of Decade of Disabled Persons, with the aim of moving towards a series of goals towards full accessibility in all areas of life for all people.  Like all such lofty goals, the steps have been small and much remains to be done.

The idea of disability encompasses so much: physical, intellectual, emotional/psychological/psychiatric often compounded by social factors like family structure, income, religious beliefs etc.  Degree of disability is also an issue.  Some people, of course, have multiple disabilities with very complex needs.

There is no united disability community as all these areas of disability tend to have different needs and interpretations of goals like inclusion and accessibility, and are often in competition for funding to further the cause of their own particular needs.  Divisions exist, for example, within the deaf community about cochlear implants with some arguing that this technology undermines and devalues those who have managed their disability by creating their own parallel community with its own (sign) language and activities.  It is also not unusual to hear people with a particular disability claiming to less or more disabled than those with another.  And I was always amazed when a disabled friend used to criticise another girl in a wheelchair as being 'someone who gives disabled people a bad name.'

I have previously written about the impact on a family of having a baby born with a disability, but disabilities can become gradually apparent over a period of time, happen as the result of accidents, other injuries or illnesses.  While the disabled person is the one who bears the primary consequences, other people like parents, partners, children and friends can also find their lives changed as a result.  A young woman I know, Susie, has written a blog about her life and that of her son Ollie, since he was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder.  I hope she will write for us soon telling the story of the early stages of their story as she tells powerfully of her feelings as the diagnosis was made.  A few days ago, however, she wrote a summary of what she and her family have gained over the past year.  She doesn't gloss over the hard parts but instead celebrates the positive.  Perhaps this should be what we all do on this International Day of People with a Disability.

Children watching disasters on the TV news

The horrific scenes of the aftermath of cyclone Haiyan are playing relentlessly on news services and no one could fail to be moved by such devastation.  The one good thing that may come from this repetition is that more and more people will be moved to donate to the relief appeals.It has however made me think about the effects on children and young people of graphic news footage and stories of some of the horrors of our world.

Many studies have made recommendations about the amount of time that children should spend watching television, or in front of computer screens, generally because of concerns about children's health, weight and learning.  The University of Michigan has a digest of findings from a number of studies in the USA. In Australia, the Raising Children Network gives recommendations for the number of hours for different age groups and last weekend, noted children's author, Mem Fox questioned the amount of time that children spent in front of smart phones and tablets.

The content of news bulletins has come under increasing scrutiny in recent years.  Such events as the attacks on the World Trade Centre, the tsunami in 2004, the earthquake and tsunami in Japan in 2011, periodic Australian bushfires and now typhoon Haiyan have had massive, graphic coverage.  These are events that children do need to know about because they are part of the world in which they live, and they are often aware of the parents' reactions to these events, but at the same time, they also need reassurance that they are in no immediate danger.

Television news services unfortunately, in an effort to ensure that people will watch their evening news bulletins, sometimes show graphic footage in the midst of prime children's viewing time, although public pressure has seen some reduction in this.  I have also, occasionally, heard warnings to viewers like "the following footage is likely to shock some viewers", but usually by the time I find the remote control it is too late.  If we as adults are shocked, it is also likely to expect that children will be shocked.  We cannot rely on the belief that they are "too young to understand".  That, in fact, is precisely the issue...we can put things in context, understand that this is shocking but that we are personally in no immediate danger, but pictures of planes flying into buildings, people drowning, or fires approaching are immediate dangers in the minds of many children.  It is the images that they see, the sounds they hear, that they respond to, not the detailed explanations of the news analysts which are often in language they don't understand using concepts that are beyond their grasp. 

In The Netherlands, since 1980, there has been a short nightly broadcast of the news aimed at children aged between 9 and 12 which aims to make the main stories intelligible to children in this age group   This seems to be like our ABC program, Behind the News, whose current feature story on typhoon Haiyan is in simple language and focuses in simple form on what happened and what the people need now, and is in sharp contrast to last night's adult news which constantly mentioned and showed footage of bodies being removed. A Dutch study in 2002 found that even this children's news produced a fear reaction in more that 30% of children, though this was much less than the nearly 50% reaction to adult news. 

What does this mean for parents and carers?

• If children watch the news, watch with them.
• Talk about the news stories with children in terms that they can understand.
• Reassure children that they are safe, that people are helping eg aid workers, police, firemen.  Check the article from the Dutch study which lists stories that children find particularly troubling.
• Use Behind the News or News on 3 (Daily at 7.55pm on ABC3) to help children understand the stories.
• Mealtimes are for eating and talking, not for watching the news or any other television.

LINK
http://childrenandmedia.org.au/resources/fact-sheets
This is an excllent resource for information and guidance about children and the media in Australia.

Travel broadens the mind...I hope!

As you may know, I'm just back from a month's holiday in Europe.  While I could bore you to tears with travel tales, I thought it would be kinder to just post a few observations, some of which relate to parenting and family!

• It was very apparent that many Europeans, particularly young people are fluent, or at least very competent in English as well as their own and sometimes 2 or 3 other languages.  While this is obviously useful to us as travellers, it also shows up how limited many Australians are in languages other than English.  I think learning foreign languages, whether Asian or European, should be given much greater emphasis in Australia.

• I love the glimpses that I get into how people live their daily lives while I'm travelling.  It was very obvious that fresh food: fruit, vegetables, fish and meat are still staples, and the quality of what I saw was excellent, although not particularly cheap.  And the flavour of tomatoes was fantastic.  We are blessed with such abundance of these foods in Australia, we really have no excuse for eating packaged, pre-prepared food.

• Travellers like me, have come to so dominate some centres eg Venice, that many former residents have moved away to quieter, less expensive areas.  And in some areas, tourism is the main 'industry' and when the tourist season finishes, money earned in the height of summer has to last the rest of the year.  And in some countries, even with high employment in the tourist season, unemployment can be as high as 10% and there is limited government assistance.  Next time you complain about taxes, think about how fortunate we are to live in Australia where unemployment is relatively low, and there are reasonable levels of pensions, health care and education.

• Naturally with my background, I tended to notice (from the outside) schools, childcare centres, kindergartens, playgrounds and children being dropped at school and picked up afterwards, accompanying their parents on various outings, doing the shopping.  Birth rates may not be high, but there is certainly a new generation growing up!  I was particularly taken by this little girl shopping with her mother, and already very stylish!

I enjoyed my travels had a wonderful holiday, but now it's down to business and back to normal, until next time!


Next week SusanSays will be back to its usual parenting/child/nanny focus.

Safe products for babies and toddlers

In the good old days, we bought or received (new or pre-loved) a bassinet, a pram, a baby's bath, a pusher (now known as stroller!), a cot and perhaps a changing table.  There wasn't much choice and designs were pretty basic.  We knew enough about safety issues to ensure that the paint used wasn't lead based, and that there were places where straps could be attached.

As in all areas of modern life, design, fashion, cost and safety factors have taken over the provision of baby and children's needs.  The canvas seat that hooked over the front seat has been replaced by all manner of super safe baby and toddler capsules and seats; old wicker or smarter vinyl prams on massive suspensions have been replaced by slick modern, easily folded contraptions and so it goes.  The cost of all the latest equipment has become amazingly high although the pre-loved baby fairs are booming.

What brought all this to mind was an article in the weekend news about new safety concerns with prams.  It was particularly concerned about the safety of seats for toddlers on prams, but also raised the issue of children jamming their fingers in folding mechanisms.  Many children are treated in Australian hospitals each year as a result of incidents connected with prams, mostly falls from them.

It seems to me that while minimum standards for pram manufacturers are important, parents themselves need to use some commonsense when using all children's equipment.  For example:

• Babies and toddlers should always be strapped into prams and strollers;
• Brakes should be applied before putting the baby into or out of the pram/stroller; 
• Children should not be left unattended on changing tables: have everything needed for the change and cleanup ready before putting the baby on the table;
• Children should always be strapped into high chairs and not left unattended;
• Toddlers should be strapped into their car seats before putting the baby into the car and the baby should be removed first before releasing the toddlers;
• Prams/strollers and carry baskets should never be placed behind or next to the roadside door of a car;
• All children should be securely fastened in the car and any children not travelling should be held by the hand by another adult or inside the house under an adult's supervision before a car moves off.

Equipment for babies and children is regularly reviewed by the Australian Consumers' Association and results are published in their magazine Choice and online.  Guidelines for choosing equipment are given as well as reviews.  While detailed reviews need to be paid for there is a free 'Guide for Expectant Parents' that can be downloaded to help sort out what will be needed and how to make choices. The Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne also has a Safety Centre which can be visited by appointment as well as a website which looks in more detail at safety in the home, including fact sheets and other material to download and a very useful home safety check list.

Previous posts related to safety:
Safe Pedestrians 17/09/2012
Children, nannies and cars 09/09/2012
Safe Summer  11/12/2012

I hope...

I was already enjoying the late winter sunshine and hoping that spring might be around the corner when I saw an article in this morning's Age about a mural King Sun by John Olsen, which has been installed in a building in Docklands.  The mural is bright and cheerful, to judge by the photos, with the quirky and typical addition of three frogs.  In this work, Olsen reminds us of the need for hope and optimism in the modern world.  As this was something I'd already been musing about it seemed to be an excellent blog topic!

If you have ever been depressed you will recognise the awfulness of despair and how hard it is to find the effort required to live in a world where hope seems to have died.  To seek help in this situation represents a hold on at least a slim glimmer of hope that things can change; the alternative, is often, to give up completely, to live in a constantly grey world or, tragically, to commit suicide.  I can't help wondering if it is hope that is really one of the great life forces.

Hope:

• compels starving parents to ensure their children get as much food as possible
• drives refugees to risk their lives to flee persecution and starvation
• lures people to move from country to city (or vice verse) from one country to another in search of a better life and greater opportunities for their children
• keeps people with cancer and chronic illnesses going often through drastic treatment regimes so that they might be cured , or at least live a little longer
• encourages us each night that dawn and daylight will follow night, and in the depths of  winter, that spring will soon in its turn.

Babies are, I think, little bundles of hope.  Not only do they represent their parents' hopes for the future, they seem also by nature to be optimistic/hopeful.  They haven't yet learnt not to trust everyone, nor to fear the world about them.

We owe it to our children to nurture this hopefulness, to teach them to be optimistic and to be resilient.  They should not be exposed to abuse, demeaning and degrading punishments  or to parenting and care that is overly permissive and sets no boundaries.  We often reward achievement, but perhaps we also need to focus on effort as well.  As I have previously said, we need to let children experience difficulties and failure not so that they are crushed but so they are encouraged and optimistic that they will succeed at something else or at another time, or even that it was fun trying.

As winter turns towards spring we know there will still be cold, wet, miserable days, but the bulbs and swelling buds remind us that change is on the way.  And thank you John Olsen for your beautiful King Sun.

Link
John Olsen, Australian artist b.1928
An interview with Olsen while working on King Sun

Lighten up in the gloom of winter with humour!

I've never been one for Christmas in July, perhaps that's because once a year is more than enough!  I understand that it gives us Australians (and others who share the southern summer) a chance to eat rich Christmas foods developed to be eaten in a cold climate rather than under a sweltering summer sun and 40°C in the shade, but for all the decorations, it just isn't Christmas.  But in mid-winter we do need cheering up, even though we don't have to endure heavy snow and short daylight hours, so I thought this week I'd have a bit of fun.

I recently asked on Facebook for words that children mis-pronounce or the extraordinary names they give to everyday objects.  We all have examples of these and other sayings, from our own and our children's childhoods.  Technically these are known as malapropisms.  A couple of examples I remember are 'guessing gown' which is much more exciting than dressing gown and one that I think many children have said 'belly jeans' for 'jelly beans.'  I think technically the last one is a spoonerism but who really worries about details like that.  I'm very fond of those black and white peppermint lollies called bumhugs, oops, sorry, humbugs!  I've always liked the little girl encountering hundreds and thousands (non-pareils) for the first time who called them crunchy dots.  And there was the little chap with an otherwise extensive vocabulary, who was very fond of 'mos' (olives), though they were also called 'o-leaves' by my granddaughter.

 There is also a word for misheard/repeated song lyrics...mondegreens, with many web pages dedicated to recording them.  Most of us have heard various versions of nursery rhymes, ("Heads, shoulders, sneeze and toes", "One for the little boy who lives down the drain")

There are also the innocent questions and remarks that young children make that are totally uncensored by conventions of being polite. I remember one of my granddaughters politely asking my friend  " Why are you so fat?", or her very puzzled response to my  'see you later, alligator" "Gran, I'm not an alligator."

Apart from those dreaded questions about where did I come from, there are also those questions that make you wonder what goes on in the mind of a child. "Look at my elbows.  Are my elbows growing?", or on seeing a picture of a little baby, "Does everyone start like that?"

I think it is a lovely idea to record these sayings for the children.  Just open a page for each child on on your computer and record them as they occur.  The children love reading them in later years, and so do their parents and grandparent who relive those innocent times.

What stories can you share of children and their sayings that will help warm up our winter?  Do add them as comments so we can all share.

Travel with children

The newspapers have put out their 'school holiday activities' supplements and it's cold, sometimes wet, sometimes sunny, but generally cold.  It must be almost mid-year holiday time in Victoria.  In my long lost youth this was the worst holiday in the school year, its only redeeming feature was not having to catch the tram to school on mornings when the grass at the Shrine of Remembrance was while with frost.  As if to emphasise their difference, children from wealthy families used to return to school tanned, either from the snow fields or from a holiday in Queensland.  The rest of us passed our days reading, mooching around at home or at friends' homes and occasionally mustering up enough money for a trip to the 'pictures'.  We envied those who travelled and returned with the tales of their experiences which seemed exotic in those days when travel was a luxury only available to a few.

Today travel is much more affordable and much more common, but often those long road trips have been replaced by jetting off to Bali, Thailand, Hawaii for sun and warmth or to New Zealand for winter skiing or to Japan, the US or Europe in the southern summer.  Even holidays interstate these days often involve flights, but some families still opt for the long drive.

When I wrote the title for this post, my immediate thought was 'who would want to travel with children?'  Children are not designed to sit still and quiet for long periods and even the quietest, best behaved child is likely to be restless and bored at some stage. If you have more than one child, old issues between them are likely to find expression as a result of too much time cooped up in close confinement.  I well remember such complaints as 'she's looking at me', 'he's breathing' etc.  It's often fun to be with children at the destination, it's just the process of getting there that is difficult.  And it's not always easy to leave them behind with a grandparent or a live-in nanny because many parents worry about their children and fret when they are separated.  At the Agency we have heard of parents who travel in business and leave the children in economy, with the nanny to care for them.  On the other hand, one family all flew together, with the nannies in first class, which must have been an interesting journey for any other first class passengers!

5 tips for long distance car travel with children:

1. Ensure all child restraints are properly fitted, straps are firm, and that all are worn correctly.
2. Don't drive for more than 2 hours without stopping for a play/exercise break.  This is as important for the driver as for the children.  If possible alternate the roles of driver and supervision of children.
3. Let each child pack a small 'in car bag' with activities like books, coloured pens or crayons (pencil leads always seem to break!), a snuggle toy, hand held computer games and a drink in a spill-proof container. 
4. Take an adults 'in car bag' with snacks, small treats (eg sticker books), travel games, lotto and 'I spy' type games, hand wipes, tissues.
5. Use children's music CD's (there are some songs I never want to hear again), ipads or DVD players with appropriate movies or games (preferably all these should have ear phones for the sanity of the adults in the car)

5 tips for short plane flights (ie those within Australia):

1. While children under 2 fly free on an adult's knee, it is worth paying for a seat for any child over the age of 12 months as it gives you a break from nursing them.
2. Many children (and some adults) experience ear pain when the plane is taking off and landing so it is worth giving children a drink or something to suck during these times.
3. As with driving it is worth having a special bag for the children of  small activities and toys that they have chosen.  An advantage of planes is the drop down trays that make activities like colouring and writing is much easier than in a car, though 'steadytables' designed for bed use may help give a flat surface in cars. 
4. While there are some food options available on planes, they often aren't appealing to children so it is helpful to take a small snack.
5. Many domestic planes now have seat back entertainment free or for a small charge and this may provide some quiet time.  While travelling it is well worth sacrificing your rules about how much screen time children can have.

6 tips for international plane flights.  All the tips for short haul flying also apply to international flights, but because these last much longer, here are some extra ideas:

1. Space is even more important on long-haul flights so seriously consider a seat for the toddler.  If you have a baby/infant make sure to book a bassinet which is helpful for sleep, although the child has to be nursed during take off and landing.  As bassinets are in the bulkhead row, there is usually a little more leg room and a toddler may be able to spend time on the floor without blocking the aisles.
2. In your carry on baggage ensure you have an adequate supply of nappies, wipes etc.  There is usually at least one toilet where there is a nappy change station.  Also include a change of clothes for young children (in case of spills and sickness) together with plastic bags for soiled clothing, and a spare set of adult sized clothes in case you are the target.
3. While airlines supply food for children, they may or may not like what is provided.  Snack foods are often available, although not necessarily listed on the menus, and these may be more tempting.  For infants, it is better to take prepackaged food that they have tried and are known to like.  Most cabin staff will warm food and bottles for you to make them more palatable, as well as trying to find snacks suitable for older children.
4. Drinks on planes are often poured into glasses for passengers.  Make sure you take a spill-proof bottle into which the cabin crew can pour the children's drinks.  And not too much sugar or they'll be flying under their own steam!
5. Ensure the children are not pests to other passengers by insisting on 'inside voices', keep them kept occupied by the activities and toys that they have packed, by the in flight entertainment systems and by regular, accompanied walks up and down the aisle, regular trips to the toilet and most of all by not bouncing on the seats or kicking the back of the seat in front.  Accompany young children to the toilets to ensure they don't lock themselves in, and that the toilet flush doen't frighten them.
6. Try to ensure children are not in the aisle seats where they can be knocked by other passengers or by the trolleys or even have their fingers jammed between the arms of the seat and the trolley.

There are no easy answers to make travel more enjoyable for parents (and nannies) and their children, but there are many websites and books that offer ideas, so if you are going to get away from Melbourne this winter, it would pay to do some preparation.

And have a great time...whether in our own country or overseas, travel broadens the mind and piques our curiosity about our world.

Links:
Qantas has an excellent resource for family travel
Lonely Planet has some good reading on its website as well as a book, Travel With Children.
Better Health Channel has some general travel tips for travelling with children, and some specific to flying and international travel.
Thailand4Kids has some excellent general information about long-haul air travel with children.
Smartraveller has information on overseas travel for children (and a brochure you can download or order) about safe travel with children overseas, and about legal and Family court issues about overseas travel for children.

Why have a nanny?

Is choosing to have a nanny a status thing?  Certainly some of the arguments going on about 'middle class welfare' and funding for childcare at present in Australia have a overtones of this idea.  But from my experience in the industry, I believe that is far from the motivation of the families using our service.

I think the reasons most people have nannies are one or more of the following:

• Convenience, for both the parents and the children.  It is far easier to leave the house at say 8am and go straight to work, leaving a nanny responsible for waking, dressing and feeding children, and perhaps taking an older one to school than having to wake children, get them fed and dressed and deliver them to childcare and before-school programs then heading off to work.  And at the other end of the day, too, with 6pm pick up times generally the latest available there is great pressure on working parents to get their children on time after work. Another aspect of convenience is the care of sick children.  Nannies routinely do this as part of their work, whereas a child who is ill is excluded from formal care centres until they have recovered.  This means that a parent either has to take time off work or depend on friends and relatives to provide emergency care.  In the last few days I have noticed complaints from centres about parents dosing sick children up and trying to pass them off as being well.  For children, there is the advantage of being cared for in their own environment, playing with their own toys, and at least in winter, not having to leave and return home in the dark.

• Lack of places for children in family day care, childcare centres and before and after school care.  While in overall number of places, the government may well be right in saying that there are adequate places, they may not be available in areas where families need them, particularly in inner and middle ring suburbs, or for the age groups of the children, particularly those under 2 years old.  And for families able to access places in the outer suburbs, the travel times to the work mean that the limited and inflexible opening hours make them difficult to use.

• The possibility of individual attention for children, particularly when they are very young makes having a nanny an attractive proposition.  Although there are higher staff ratios for young children, and staff members may have particular children assigned for their general care, during the day rosters mean other staff members will be involved in the care of each child.  Nannies work directly with the children in their care, giving them the sort of one to one attention a parent would give.  The same person is involved in their physical care and in meeting their developmental needs, with good professional nannies providing a well rounded program of activities tailored specifically for the children in their care.

• Since the nanny has been chosen by the parents and is working directly for them, there is far greater chance of nanny and parents 'being on the same page' as far as values and child rearing practices.  We encourage the use of work diaries and good communication the ensure this continuity of care so that children are not confused by different limits and attitudes.

• Strangely enough, cost is also a good reason to use a nanny, especially if there are two or more children in the family.  It costs as much to have a nanny for one child as it does for more than one, whereas in other forms of care, the cost is per child.

• Sometimes nannies are placed in families where the main caregiver is ill, and on occasions dying, to supplement the care of the parent and to bring some stability to the children in a situation which is very stressful and demanding. The nannies who do this work, sometimes funded through the federal government In Home Care Program, and sometimes privately funded, have particularly demanding jobs and are much appreciated.  A recently bereaved grandmother described the nannies we provided for her dying daughter's children as 'two angels'.

Most people who come to our agency looking for a nanny are working parents who are looking for a solution to their childcare needs and their motivation falls into one or more of the above categories.  I have yet to meet anyone who wanted a nanny because they thought it was the only appropriate option for someone of their social class! 

Bounce back, baby!

Remember those weighted plastic toys that you could tip in all directions but would right themselves and be ready to be knocked again?  That is about the best analogy I can think of for the word resilience.  And applying this to people, it basically means the ability to 'bounce back' no matter what happens.  It does not mean that resilient people do not experience pain, loss, defeat, tragedy and trauma, but that they have the emotional maturity and psychological strength to recover from these setbacks.  It is a characteristic we would all want our children to develop because it is the basis of good mental health.

What can we do as parents, remembering that we are engaged in a long process that extends from babyhood to late adolescence (and beyond!)?

• ensure good attachment by meeting the baby's needs for food, warmth, comfort and nurture promptly so the baby learns it can rely on you to meet its primary needs;
• introduce the baby into the wider world by positive interactions with siblings, grandparents, extended family and friends;
• as the child grows start to incorporate awareness of their own feelings, helping to name them and to find ways of experiencing them and then extending this to recognising feelings in other people;
• teach children that anger, frustration, jealousy are part of life and that they can be experienced without aggression and tantrums;
• teach children to negotiate with you and with each other;
• allow children to build a positive view of themselves by breaking tasks into small parts and helping them recognise their achievements as they master each part;
• allow children to experience difficulties and frustrations and helping them to use their previous experience and to develop new skills to overcome problems;
• encourage children to be positive and optimistic, even when they experience set backs
• maintain honest and open lines of communication with children, listening as well as speaking, so they know that they can raise anything with us;
• support and encourage children and adolescents in making their own decisions.

What doesn't help is to:

• set unrealistic goals for children to achieve;
• never let them experience disappointment and difficulties;
• protect and shield them from the difficulties of life: not every one can win a prize nor can we have everything we might want;
• being rigid and inflexible in your expectations and communications.

The development of good mental health in children and young people is as important as their physical health and their intellectual development since we all want our babies to grow up into well rounded, optimistic adults who enjoy life and can tackle its challenges with a positive attitude and bounce back from the blows that life can bring.

There are many guides about developing resilience on the net and in parenting and childcare manuals.
Some easily accessible links are:
Resilience Guide for Parents and Teachers
KidsMatter  It is worth exploring many of the links given within this site.
A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children I like the I HAVE I AM I CAN approach
Bonsai Parents Lenore Skenazy of Free Range Kids fame has come up with a new term to replace 'helicopter parenting'.

Children in families where a parent has a mental illness Part 2

Last week I introduced the topic of families where a parent has a mental illness. This week I want to look more specifically at the children in these families and what can be done to meet their needs.

One of the first things these children need is honesty about what is happening to their parent, in language they can understand and which re-assures them that:

• their parent is ill;
• they have done nothing to cause or worsen the illness;
• they cannot 'catch' the illness;
• their parent is receiving treatment, whether this is medication, hospitalisation, counselling or some combination of these.

Unfortunately, mental illness still has some degree of community stigma attached to it, and this often extends to keeping children in the dark about what is going on.  As a result, they may develop all sorts of strange explanations for themselves about what is happening.  Even toddlers can understand simple explanations like 'mummy (or daddy) is sick', and that 'the doctor (nurse, social worker) is helping mummy to get better'.  Older children need more information and they also need the information to ask questions.  These questions need to be taken seriously, even when they are strange or difficult as they often help sort out confusion and fears that they hold.  As they grow, more complex explanations and opportunities for questions are needed. It is important that all this is done in such a way that the children are supported and their respect for and relationship with the ill parent is maintained. 

These explanations are often best provided by some one the child already knows and trusts  like the well parent, a grandparent or other family member, but it may also be done by people involved in assisting the parent, particularly if he or she is a sole parent.  Nannies working in these families need to be informed of the situation and to discuss with the family what their role is in supporting the children with information and reassurance.  On line there are also information sheets and resources likes DVDs and books available for purchase which can help those providing information or to use with children as well as information in age appropraite language.

As I mentioned last week, some children may take on a care taking role with their parent, often described as 'parenting their parent.'  To help reduce the unfair burden that this can place on children, it is important treatment plans are set up in such a way that the parent or another adult takes responsibility for ensuring that the parent's needs are met.  For this reason, it is important that those involved in supporting and treating a mentally ill person know that that patient is a parent with the care of dependent children, and that the children's needs are considered in the case planning.

All children need consistency and stability, and thus a degree of predictability in their environments to maintain their own development.  For children with a mentally ill parent, it is important that as far as possible these needs are met by the well parent and the broader family network.  Signs that the children are under stress include 'acting out' with impulsive or attention seeking behaviours (eg aggression, tantrums) or signs of anxiety like bed wetting, thumb sucking, or moodiness and withdrawal.  Where nannies are working with these children they need to be alert to these behaviours and not take them personally.  Useful strategies include maintaining the usual behavioural management techniques and consistency along with lots of reassurance, warmth and opportunities to find more positive ways for children to express their feelings.  The parents should also be informed of these behaviours and the strategies being used to meet them, ensuring good communication is maintained.

If a parent is separated from a child for an extended period, children become distressed, hence the slow process introducing children to childcare and school, so it is not surprising that if a parent is hospitalised because of physical or mental illness there will be an effect on the child, especially as this often happens suddenly.  In the case of mental illness this may follow a sudden episode when the parent has been acting in a way that the child finds unusual or strange.  Ideally the child would continue to live at home, with the well parent's care supported by known and trusted family and friends.  A nanny may be introduced to the family in these circumstances, and so the child is faced with coping with the temporary loss of a parent and a new person at the same time, which is likely to produce some of the behaviours mentioned above.  of course, where there is no extended family and the family does not have the means to employ a nanny, the child may face the even greater disruption of being placed in out of home care eg foster care, and consequently even more profound reactions may take place and professional help may be needed to assist their recovery.

Like all other children, those with a parent with a mental illness need time, space, love, nurture, understanding to grow into healthy resilient adults who can engage positively with the world and those who care for them need commonsense, good communication skills, a sense of humour and boundless patience. 

Next week I will look look further at issues I have touched on before about raising resilient children.

In praise of grandparents!

As you may have realised, I have reached the stage in life when I am a proud grandmother and step grandmother.  I love:

• to see the young ones;
• to have news of them;
• to have them to stay;
• to have fun with them;
• to receive their confidences;
• to spoil them.

But today I'm not writing about the joy, amusement and occasional heartache I have from the experience of being a grandmother, but rather about the role grandparents play in families and in society.

If, like me, you have been watching Call the Midwife, you will have seen one of the traditional  roles of grandparents, to attend their daughters as they give birth.  While this is less common now in our western, medicalised births, in traditional cultures this was what it was all about.  They would then care for the young family as the mother recovered after birth.  I particularly like the Vietnamese tradition where the mother is tended for 30 days after the birth, so that her only role is to feed and look after the newborn.  What a wonderful time for rest and bonding! 

In multigenerational households, grandparents are there to be closely involved in the life of the young ones every step of the way, supporting, giving advice and often taking on the care of the children as the parents work.  I don't want to over romanticise this: I am very aware that grandparents can rule with a rod of iron, undermine the daughters in law that come into the family, interfere between parents and children, prevent or make very difficult the introduction of change and create factions within the wider family.  There are, however, many younger Australians who have been raised in this style of household and who look back and see its benefits as well as the difficulties, and who remember fondly the close relationship they had with their grandparents. 
 A friend recently told me of his experience of an Anglo-Saxon version of this, when as an only child raised in a rural city, he had both sets of grandparents as well as many members of his extended family living in surrounding streets and moved from one to another for food, attention and fun!  Perhaps this represents the best of both worlds, but in this day and age families are dispersed across vast tracts of suburbia, interstate or even overseas and such easily accessed family support is not necessarily available.

Grandparents have always had a role in passing on the culture of their society.  As well as telling stories of their past, they passed on songs, dances, traditional rhymes and stories, games, foods and how to prepare them, handicrafts and activities.  This has not just been the role of grandmothers...grandfathers, as elders, also had an important role.  This, I think, is one of the roles that many grandparents fill today, and while Play School, Sesame Street and the rest might introduce modern versions, often the ones that children are exposed to first are the traditional ones that grandparents learnt as children, and used to their children.

Perhaps the most important role grandparents have today is providing care for their children, for working parents, or during school holidays or, sadly, where parents no longer have the care of their children.  This last situation, in particular, is a growing area as welfare departments, when looking for carers, usually start with the family network.  It is a huge commitment as it is not easy to take on the care of children, especially at an age when you may well have been starting to think about planning your retirement, when you might be starting to experience the odd twinge in the joints, when your contemporaries are becoming grey nomads.  Parents know only too well that it is hard work caring for children and that dealing with adolescents can frequently demand high levels of emotional energy, but generally their friends are facing these issues at the same time and are available for mutual support.  It's much, much harder caring for your grandchildren going through these stages especially as their issues are often complicated because of their past life experiences.  Financially too, the costs can eat into retirement savings, and although there are various government allowances available they are generally inadequate.  Grandparents Australia is an excellent organisation advocating on behalf of all grandparents but especially grandparent caregivers.

I would be interested to hear your experiences of having grandparents in your life, either as a child or as a parent with children, and of course from other grandparents!

Don't make school holidays hard work!

As one of my earlier posts was titled, I love holidays and when i was a mother of young children, I loved school holidays:

• no waking to the alarm
• no making school lunches
• set routines out the window
• time to do things together with the children
• time to visit other families. 

And yet for as long as I can remember the media warns of school holidays as if parents, and mothers in particular needed to be prepared to have a horrible time with their children at home.  It was almost as if children were little monsters who needed to be at school to protect their long-suffering parents.

Now, with more mothers in the workforce, I acknowledge that school holidays can bring issues:

• supervision of children when parents are at work
• the cost of school holiday programs
• the difficulty getting employers to have flexible leave problems for working parents
• the frequent assumption that it is the mother who will take annual leave to care for the children...dads are parents too!

I know that I grew up in less affluent, more innocent times, but we were lucky to have one special treat during the holidays: maybe a trip to the movies to see the latest Disney production, or a trip into the city to go to the museum. The rest of our time was spent playing, inside and outside, reading, going around to a friend's place or perhaps when we were older an outing with friends to the city without parental supervision, a time to try the lipsticks in the department stores, have a milkshake or a hamburger and chips, look at clothes, and of course admire any groups of boys we saw, giggling for all we were worth.  Maybe my children expected more than this, but apart from the odd swimming class or football clinic, their holidays were rather like mine except watching TV was thrown into the mix.

I am surprised today though, that some children and families don't seem to have a down time, that school holidays are jammed full of activities, classes, outings.  There doesn't seem to be time to just hang, to play alone or with friends.  I'm not sure what drives this need to fill every minute.  Is it that parents don't want to spend time with their children?  Or is it a sign of how much you care for your children that you want to take advantage of every minute for enrichment and stimulation?

It certainly seems to me that the result is children who cannot amuse themselves or find things to do. I think too that they are becoming restless unless they are constantly stimulated or entertained.  My answer to "I'm bored" used to be, "Only boring people are bored" then I might explore with them what they would like to do so they didn't feel bored any longer, but the onus was on them to come up with the solutions, and the most successful ones usually involved some level of physical activity or involvement with other people.

It is important I think for children to learn that they can make changes in what they are doing that then change how they are feeling.  I'm not sure that they get this opportunity when their life is crowded by activity, often organised by adults.

So my advice, for what it's worth, is to enjoy holiday times with the children, have fun together and don't cram every minute with entertainment and activity!

When nannies say 'goodbye' to a family revisited

I am fascinated that by far my most popular blog has been "When nannies say 'Goodbye' to a family" and that when I look at the search terms that people use who find 'SusanSays', they are often about this theme.

From this I draw the obvious conclusion that it is a subject that concerns nannies, and probably families too, and that people are looking for guidance on how to go about saying goodbye.

I'm not sure that there is much more that I can add to make this process any easier.  In my original post, which was based on a nanny's decision to move on,  I recommended such strategies as:

• being clear with parents and children about when you would finish;
• speaking positively about future plans for the children eg 'next week you will be going to daycare', or 'next week Jane will be taking you to the park and you'll have fun with her just like you do with me';
• acknowledging that it is hard to say goodbye, that it is OK to feel a bit sad;
• perhaps creating a book of photos of fun things you have done, or giving the children a photo of you with them;
• not making promises you can't keep about future contact.

When you have a fixed term contract with a family it can be easier to finish than when you have no finishing date in sight.  It is particularly difficult when the date to finish is out of your hands and happens suddenly, perhaps because of a change in family circumstances, or because a family has been increasingly unhappy about your performance and has not let you know their concerns or given you an opportunity to make changes in the way you work.  In these circumstances you may not have time to prepare the child, and you may be feeling shocked and battered by the circumstances.  There is little point trying to change the mind of the parents, so say goodbye with as much dignity as you can, and use your agency and friends for emotional support and for professional direction in areas you may need to change.

When I wrote recently about 'Professional boundaries' I also mentioned that not becoming over-involved with the children and their families makes it easier for everyone when you leave.  This does not mean being cool and distant, but it does mean that while you are warm and affectionate you do not let the children and family become more important to you than people in your life away from work. While you might spend a little time outside work planning the next day or the week's activities, you need to have a life of your own away from work where you socialise, form relationships and meet your own social and emotional needs.

It is hard, working alone in a family, not to think of yourself as the most important person in the child's life, but this is not reality.  The child's parents have this role.  They lend you their role in the hours you are caring for their child, but it is only a loan. From the start of the time you meet a family you need to be clear to yourself about your role and what that means.  You are, as the legal term says 'in loco parentis' ie in the place of the parent, BUT you are not the parent.  You act like the parent, in the parent's absence, making decisions about the care of the child (in accordance with the parents' wishes), about diet, activities, safety...all the aspects of daily life with children.  This is one of the reasons why we are very keen that nannies employed by our agency:

• make their planning for the children clearly available to parents;
• make reports on the children's day.

Doing this helps make clear your role and informs parents what their children have been doing in their absence. It also gives the parents an opportunity to give you feedback on how you are fitting in with their ideas.

Most families these days don't expect their nanny to stay until their children are old enough to leave home, but at the same time do not want to see their children have to face too many changes.  At the same time, nannies often have changes in their own circumstances, (eg marriage or pregnancy) or are looking for a new professional challenge, so many move on after about 2 years.

Change is part of life, and we need to grasp it with both hands, looking for new opportunities, not looking back with regret.

DisABILITY

Sometimes, life's not fair.

Instead of a healthy baby at the end of a 40 week pregnancy, a baby may be still-born, or born prematurely with many of associated health issues, or a physically or intellectually disabled baby, or one with major illness.  It seems so wrong, so unfair, that the usual hopes and dreams of having a healthy child can be so dashed at a time that is meant to be so happy.  Yet this is the situation a surprising number of parents are faced with and they need to find ways to manage what may be a life changing event.  Other parents face disabilities in their children as their children grow, whether from illness, accident or gradually emerging disorders like autism.

First reactions to the news that one's child is disabled vary but denial and grief figure prominently.  Even when antenatal screening has shown that problems may exist, being confronted with the baby brings many emotions, including by many parents a strong sense of protectiveness, but also from others, rejection, although this often modifies with time.  It can be hard to let go of the fantasies parents might have had of for example, playing cricket in the park with a son, or ballet classes or ....It is also not uncommon for mothers in particular to needlessly blame themselves for some behaviour during pregnancy.

The nature and extent of disabilities and illnesses varies enormously.  Some are incompatible with life so the baby will die young, while others may only have a mild impact.  Others are far more severe and will require life long care, others fit somewhere along this spectrum but to each child and parent and family, some adjustments will be required.

Having a child with a disability can be a major challenge to a family.  Since we no longer shut away children with disabilities in institutions, the vast majority are cared for at home. Depending on the severity of the disability or illness this may involve:

• regular medical and therapy appointments;
• purchase of specialised equipment, or long waiting lists for funded equipment;
• considerable physical and emotional stress on caregivers and on other family members;

Given the nature of our society, the majority of practical care-giving tends to fall on mothers, who are often stretched to pay attention to their partners and to other children in the family, let alone to themselves. Many marriages breakdown, possibly because of disagreements about how the child is treated, or about the amount of time and money devoted to one person to the exclusion of the husband or other family members.  Many siblings with a disabled brother or sister feel alienated for the same reason, or feel overwhelmingly burdened with responsibility for their disabled sibling.

Statistically, it is also clear that there is a strong link between disability and poverty.  Families with a disabled child are far more likely to be disadvantaged, partly because of the additional costs of caring for the child.  Adults with disabilities find employment opportunities difficult and many are un- or underemployed, compelled to live on benefits.  Others are too disabled to work and may live with their parents which may lead to difficulties with their care as the parents age and die.

For all this though, having a disability is not necessarily all negative.  One of the groups that has a very positive attitude to their situation is the deaf community who have adapted by having their own language and parts of which reject having cochlear implants to help introduce sound into their world.  There are also very strong disability rights groups who advocate for their members and who insists that we see the ability, not the disability.  I once heard a friend confined to a wheelchair, criticising another woman in a wheelchair for not having a good attitude: 'she gives people with a disability a bad name.'

Just as life for 'normal' people varies enormously in terms of how it is lived and what is achieved, so it is for those with disabilities. 


I was born with a congenitally dislocated hip, certainly not a life threatening condition, but one that meant many operations, long periods in hospital and having physical therapy and which has had long term effects on my mobility.  I was, however, blessed to have a mother who, though not highly educated, and who certainly had never read a parenting book, but who believed I should just get out there and do things.  I was reminded of her when I read the recent inspiring speech of Paralympian Kurt Fearnley, born with a severe disability, but whose parents encouraged him to move around after his siblings, getting bruised and battered as a result but letting nothing stop his enjoyment of life.  In his speech he recounts the freedom of his early childhood and the change that happened when he was introduced to wheelchair racing.

He goes on however, to speak of the National Disability Insurance Scheme and his hope that it will address many of the issues that face our community as we respond to the needs of the disabled and those who care for them.  Legislation to introduce the draft NDIS was introduced into Parlaiment in November 2012, to enable the Scheme to be trialled in four regions in Australia, before being finalised this year.

As an Agency, we have always been happy to provide nannies for families where either a parent or a child has a disability.  At times this has required specially targetted recruitment looking for a nanny with the appropriate skills, at other times, we have looked at ways to manage the work so that it may be shared between two nannies if the load is considerable, but where specialised nursing procedures are required other arrangements may be necessary.  These placements may take extra time to organise because of their special requirements, but do contact us to discuss your needs.

Immunisations/vaccinations...

It is hard in the modern Western world to comprehend the scourge of what are commonly regarded as childhood illnesses.  Children in the past died during the epidemics that regularly swept through the community, others had life long health problems (people are still dying from post-polio syndrome from the mid Twentieth Century epidemics), others were rendered sterile (particularly as a result of mumps), and those mothers who contracted rubella during pregnancy had babies who were born blind and deaf.

Much work has been done to develop vaccines to counter these diseases and children from newborn up to adulthood, in Australia, today have access to a comprehensive program of free immunisation. This issue is topical for me personally, as a friend, of mature years and with limited exposure to children, has recently contracted whooping cough (pertussis).  This is a most unpleasant illness for adults (sometimes described as '100 days cough') but is potentially life threatening for babies.

Writing about it on our Facebook page threw up some interesting information.  After being very rare in the community, whooping cough is on the rise and it is now believed that childhood immunisation does not necessarily give life long immunity.  There has also been a rise in the number of people who are not immunised, both among recent migrants and those who make a conscious decision not to have their children immunised.

Except in rare instances (eg where a child has a seriously compromised immune system while being treated for cancer) people who conscientiously oppose immunisation hold strong beliefs which tend to be based on discredited and erroneous research connecting immunisation and autism.  There is NO link between immunisation and autism.  and while eating a healthy diet may strengthen an immune system there is no evidence that it protects against illnesses like whooping cough, measles, mumps chicken pox, hepatitis, polio and the rest.  Children who have not been immunised must be excluded from a child care centre or school for prescribed periods of time if illnesses which can be prevented by vaccine are found to be present in the facility.

For parents, this means ensuring your child receives all the prescribed immunisation, which are listed in the health record book you received from the Maternal and Child Health Centre.  You will need to produce this record when your child enrols at school.  Yes, injections are unpleasant and we hate to see our little ones subject to them, but better a few seconds pain than the consequences of the illnesses.  It also means discussing with you doctor your own immune status and possibly arranging booster shots, or even primary immunisations if you have never received them.  Either you or your child might have a mild reaction to the immunisation, but this is NOT the same as the illness.  Sometimes it is possible for even immunised children to at some stage get a mild case of the illness but they are not subject to the same intensity of symptoms and risk of side effects.  If they show signs of particular illnesses they must be kept home from child care or school for given periods of time.

What does this mean for nannies, child carers and teachers?  The first step is to discuss your immune status with you doctor and have the necessary injections.  If at some stage you think you are showing signs of the illness, do not go to work until you have seen the doctor and had your condition confirmed or cleared.  If children in your care are notified as having one of the diseases you can attend work if you have been immunised.  If you have not been immunised, you cannot attend for the required exclusion periods.

If you are a parent employing a nanny, it is obvious that a question to ask at interview is whether the nanny has been immunised.  You may wish to make this a condition of employment.

Modern medicine is often criticised, but the prevention of common illnesses through immunisation has been a wonderful advance.  It is up to us as a community to take advantage of such measures to protect us and our children.  Small pox, as a disease was successfully eradicated from the world by vaccination, and in time hopefully other illnesses will be too.

Links:
The Science of Immunisation questions and answers.  Australian Academy of Science
Immunise Australia Program, Department of Health and Ageing
Blue Book, Guidelines for the control of infectious diseases, Department of Health, Victoria
Raising Children Network, Immunisation

Professional nannies or babysitters????

As you have probably noticed, I have increasingly been using the term 'professional nanny' in my writing.  This reflects my view that in our modern world, the demands of home-based care of children require workers who are:

• suitably qualified, preferably degree or diploma level;
• experienced in the care of children, preferably at least 2 years post qualification;
• practise their role at an advanced level, with evidence of planning in accordance with the Early Years Learning Framework, and references detailing this and indicating satisfaction with the developmental activities of children in their care;
• enthusiastic approach to their work with children and their families, good communication skills and an understanding of the complex needs of many families;
• evidence of a Victorian Government Working With Children Check, Police Check and current first aid certificate, preferably with epi-pen training.

This is a very demanding list, but reflects my belief that as parents are paying a considerable amount of money to employ a nanny, they are entitled to the best possible standard of care for their children.

At the same time, as an Agency, Susan Rogan Family Care:

• negotiates with client families and potential workers to achieve the best possible rates of pay, and working conditions, including annual leave and superannuation;
• supports the placement with visits from consultants and regular contact between the agency, the family and the nanny to ensure all parties are happy with the way the placement is working;
• is available to help negotiate any difficulties in the placement;
• provides regular opportunities for in-service training for their nannies.

It is my belief that this offers far better support to families and to nannies than is available to people responding to internet, newspaper and local advertisements.

While sometimes those employed in this way may be excellent workers, more often they tend:

• to have no qualifications;
• little knowledge of child development, behaviour or age appropriate activities;
• limited awareness of safety and hygiene requirements;
• limited responses to different, sometimes challenging, behaviours.

From the point of view of these workers, often:

• wages and conditions are poor: long hours for low rates of pay and often no superannuation;
• there is no support and encouragement in their work;
• there are no opportunities for in-service training to develop skills and understanding;
• there is no one to advocate on their behalf with their employers. 

Which would you prefer to be: a professional nanny or a baby sitter?

Who would you prefer to care for your children: a professional nanny or a babysitter?

Now is the time to plan for 2013

January 2013 and all the world has made (and already broken) resolutions, as well as making plans for the year.  Why should professional nannies be any exception?

1. Buy a large Page a Day Diary and use it to:

• mark all the family birthdays, with ages for the children.  (You can't make cards for Mummy's birthday if you don't know when it is!)

• mark any special occasions the family always celebrates

• record all school/preschool holidays and public holidays

• record any known appointments the children have

Keep this up to date, adding appointments, pick up times, play dates etc.

Parents can also use the diary to give feedback on the work you are doing.

2. Divide each page so there is a section for each child

• use these sections each week to plan the activities for each child, what you hope to achieve, and how each child reacts.

• make your diary available to the parents so they can see what you are doing with their children and how their children are developing.

While this may seem over the top, it it will stop you getting into a rut of doing the same things every day, or every week...they are familiar, the children enjoy them, they don't take much preparation or thought.  To keep yourself feeling fresh, to stop the children being bored and to extend their interests, skills and abilities variety is important.  So while drawing might be a frequent activity, vary it: subjects or free drawing, with different coloured and textured paper, different crayons, pens, pencils, chalks to draw outside etc.

Most modern early educators will follow the children's interests in preparing activities rather than working by topics eg the seasons, colours, weather etc, but using the children's interests does not do away with the need to plan appropriate activities.  Nor does it stop us from pointing out things that might interest children.  Pointing out a fluffy white cloud might interest one child, and lead to lots of learning opportunities while to another it might be 'ho hum, so what? Look at that car!'  Flexibility and different activities for different children of different ages and stages of development!

3. Develop your resource kits. Nannies who have been working for a number of years should have an excellent range of art and craft activities, play ideas for indoors and out, songs and games, books and internet resources.  How do you keep all this excellent information in a way that you can easily access it?
Possible ways include by:

• age range eg babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers and school aged

• type of activity eg craft (you might want to break this up into subdivisions like pasting, wool crafts, egg carton crafts etc), art, songs, stories, outdoor games, indoor games

• topics eg seasons, Christmas, nature (you might want to break this down eg trees, flowers, snails, caterpillars, butterflies), outings

It is also useful to cross reference your resources, or use colour coding eg mark crafts by colours for different ages.
It is also helpful to put comments after you have used different resources about how difficult you and the children found them and any ways you adapted them.

Links:
Early Years Learning Framework can be downloaded from this site.

Childhood101 Playopedia

Nurture Store is an excellent British resource including a weekly play planner.

Let the Children Play is an Australian site with many great ideas as well as being a great promoter of play and playfulness.

Enchanted Learning has a marvellous range of ideas on all sorts of subjects.

Sun Hats and Wellie Boots as the name suggests , is also British with many original ideas.



Those who need help with how to plan might find inspiration from Planning with Kids

Keep watching our Facebook page for ideas from many different Australian and overseas resources.

End of year reflections!

I don't know if it is the terrible slaying of school children in Newtown, Connecticut, the end of the year or advancing age, but I've been in a reflective mood for the last few days.

• The death of a child always seems worse than the death of an adult, and to have so many children, together with their teachers, killed in one incident is tragic.  It has raised the issue of greater control over the kind of weapons available in the US and I hope it is possible to get some limitation on this.  It is not for Australians to give advice on this, though the talk back lines and other media have run hot, but we should be grateful that guns are not such an important part of the culture here.  We should not overlook though, the continued violence to be found in our homes, which scars young lives and which, often fuelled by alcohol and drugs, is particularly prevalent at this time of year.  As adults who care about children we must set a better example, work to stop bullying and to practise and teach peaceful dispute resolution.

• The recent death of Dame Elizabeth Murdoch at the grand old age of103, has drawn attention to the wonderful role she paid in supporting the Royal Children's Hospital, the arts and many other charities.  While she was obviously a very wealthy woman, thanks to her husband and son's business acumen, she was public about much of her giving, not to gain personal glory but to set an example for us all to follow.  In your gift and food buying this Christmas have you put aside extra for those in need?

• In an obituary for Tony Charlton, a well known event and sports commentator, much was made of his sporting knowledge, but also of the fact that he volunteered 5 days a week at the Alfred Hospital in Melbourne.  Such voluntary work is another worthy example to follow.

• I'm very much a beginner in the blogging world, but note that this is the forty second that I have posted since March.  It has been a learning experience, and sometimes I find it hard to think of topics, and sometimes the words just don't come.  I have been amazed to see that I seem to have readers in such a variety of countries, and while I have been disappointed not to have generated more comments I hope that some of you may linger long enough to start some sort of discussion.  I would really enjoy the feedback.

• Looking at past posts I have noted that the most popular posts have been those relating to the work of nannies, particularly saying goodbye to families; nurturing a love of nature and the dance of parenthood.  I'm not sure if that represents a desire to see more on these subjects, or if they have been sufficiently covered....Let me know, please!

• I must thank my young models and their parents for allowing their photos to be used to illustrate these blogs.  Sienna, Hazel, Fraser, Jeanie, Logan and Ally your participation is much appreciated, and I hope Santa has something lovely in his sack for you to enjoy.

This is the last post for 2013: Christmas and summer holidays are just around the corner.  Look for more from SusanSays in January!

The office of Susan Rogan Family Care will be closed from Monday, 24th December and will reopen on Wednesday, 2nd January. 

From me, Susan, and everyone at Susan Rogan Family Care have a happy and safe Christmas and a wonderful holiday.

Safe Summer: a refresher course

It's December and with it have come a few 30°C days and already there are reports of children being locked in cars, bush and grass fires have started in various parts of the state and soon we'll have warnings about water safety on TV.  Each year it seems as if summer catches us unaware, and the things we knew last year have to be refreshed.  While we support the ideas of Free Range Kids and other advocates for children not being cocooned, this freedom should have some limits as far as basic safety is concerned.

So let's have a refresher on summer safety:

• Never leave children unattended in a car.  This morning's Age had a report saying that in the 12 months to August, Ambulance Victoria received reports of more than 900 children locked in cars.  their tests show that even on 29°C days temperatures inside a car can reach 44°C in 10 minutes and 60° within 20 minutes.

More information on leaving children in cars from the NRMA

• Dehydration affects babies and young children very quickly.  Feed babies more often, offer water to children before they play outside and then about every 20 minutes, and even when children are playing inside ensure water is always available.  Sugary drinks are not a replacement for water as they can often dehydrate. If the children are outside, try to alternate very energetic activities with some quieter play.

For more information on dehydration and children in hot weather see this page from the Better Health Channel

• Australia has very high rates of skin cancer, and the problems can start in childhood.  Remember the old: Slip on a t-shirt, Slop on the suncream (a broad spectrum, water-resistant SPF 30+,at least 20 minutes before exposure to the sun) and Slap on a hat (with a broad brim, not a cap).  Limit the amount of time children are exposed to direct sun, especially in the middle of the day, as suncream only reduces the risk of sunburn it does not prevent it. 

For further information on sun safety see the leaflet about Outdoor Play the Sunsmart Way, published by Sunsmart

• Water safety is essential, as children aged 0-4 have the highest rate of drowning of any age group in Australia, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.  The figure suggest though that few of these children die while swimming, paddling or wading, but rather as a result of falling or wandering into water.  The difference seems to be attributed to the fact that children of this age are generally not allowed to swim or paddle without adult supervision.  Backyard pools and inland waterways are high danger areas and children of this age are not able to reliably obey rules like 'don't go near the water'.  Often drownings in these circumstances are the result of confusion about who is meant to be supervising the child, so be sure to make this clear.  Older children are not appropriate as supervisors for their younger siblings as they can get involved in their own games.  Most public swimming pools now have signs about the minimum age required for those supervising little children.

For more information on water safety see the Child Safety Handbook published by the Royal Children's Hospital and Safe Fun with Water on the Raising Children network site.

• Supervision of children around barbecues, and camp fires, is essential.  Burns can be very painful and can scar for life.  Charcoal barbecues can be easily tipped over by children, or knocked over when they run past, and all retain enough heat to cause a burn for some time after they are extinguished.  Campfires are fun, but need to be properly extinguished and children kept away from the site until the ashes are cold. It should go without saying to obey the laws relating to Total Fire Ban days but this is just a refresher!  Given the weather on these days, it is also wise not to venture into bushland for a picnic.

For more information on children and barbecues I found a great page on www.air-n-water.com

• Insect bites can be a problem in summer.  Use the various repellents if children will be outdoors, especially in the late afternoon and early evening. Snakes can be a problem in some suburban areas, especially near lakes and creeks.  Teach older children to keep well away from snakes and keep a look out if younger children are outside in areas where snakes are prevalent, especially at dawn and dusk.

For more information on bites, stings etc see the Child Safety Handbook .

Summer in Australia is a wonderful time for holidays and outdoor living, which with a few sensible precautions can be a safe experience for people of all ages. Enjoy it, have fun and be careful when the weather is extreme.

Chri... the word I've been avoiding!

I've been avoiding it, but now December has started I really can't pretend Christmas is not upon us, though perhaps not, if the predictions of Doomsday on 21 December come to pass.  I have however lived through many such predictions so I think I just have to face reality and the growth of pre-Christmas hysteria: 

Shop 'til you drop... parties... baking... ideas for home-made decorations and gifts... food, food and more food... the odd drop of drink... trees to trim... arrangements for family get-togethers... Carols by Candlelight, all combined with end of year concerts... school break ups and speech nights and complicated by the weather, which in Melbourne at least can be 39 one day and 17 the next. Yes. it's December and we're creeping towards the Christmas climax.

Every year we wonder why we put ourselves through it and promise that it will be simpler, that we will be better organised, all presents will be bought by the end of November...yet somehow the fever strikes again.  

So why do we do it all?

Religious reasons.  For Christians it's the celebration of the birth of Christ, Emmanuel, God with us and is thus the basis for their celebrations, for carol singing, nativity scenes and plays and church services.

Cultural reasons. There is also the cultural overlay of Santa Claus/Father Christmas and a mighty commercial push to give bigger, better, more expensive gifts, to gather friends and families together to eat at tables groaning with food and to drink copiously, again the subject to much advertising.  Christmas has become a celebration of family, or of an ideal we have of family, often not matched by the reality of feuds and undercurrents!

Unavoidable reality. We can't avoid the fact that in Australia Christmas coincides with summer, the end of the school year and the long holidays so there will be a range of school/kinder/child care year activities combined with Christmas ones and younger children in particular will tend to be suffering from end of school tiredness and associated behaviours!

Tradition.  We've always done it this way.  Thus there are the historical images of bush huts sweltering in the heat with women over wood ovens turning out rich roast dinners and hot steamed puddings.  Fortunately over recent years, more and more people are turning to more weather appropriate meals: seafood, cold meats, salads, berries, ice cream puddings, but often each of these changes has been greeted with some mutterings about how 'Mum wouldn't have done it like that.'  And then there are the difficulties when couples marry. Where to go for Christmas: lunch at one and dinner at the other? Christmas Eve at one, Christmas Day at the other?  And still more complicated when there are different cultural and religious traditions in the two families!  And let's not forget all those songs and images of white Christmases!  Still we see Santa arriving on surfboards and fire trucks, by plane in outback communities, by Six White Boomers according to Rolf Harris.  And occasionally we might even sing an Australian Christmas Carol like 'The north wind is tossing the leaves' or the 'Carol of the Birds' to give a taste of reality amongst all that northern hemisphere snow!

Newspapers, magazines and blogs since about September have been full of advice about:

• stress free approaches to it all;

• the need in our wealthy world to adopt a simpler approach;

• the value of taking time to enjoy the excitement, especially of children;

• the fact that many people will go without, so we should give time and money to enable them to share in the seasonal festivities;

• the perennial debate about whether schools, preschools and child care centres should sing Christmas carols or have nativity plays, or even celebrate the season at all out of deference to those of other or no religions

Unfortunately for many in our community, this is a difficult time of the year.

• Those who have lost much loved members of their family during the year face the fist celebration without them.  In our house, we always toast 'absent friends' which brings to mind these family members, and those who are also separated by distance interstate or overseas.
• Alcohol and drugs and the road toll will spoil the season for many families, bringing death, injury, violence and unpleasantness and each year the joy will be tinged with the sadness of remembrance of these events.
• The lonely, mentally ill and the homeless members of our society feel excluded from the spirit of family and togetherness and sentimentality that pervade our celebrations and media.  Many wonderful people give time and effort to including these marginalised members of society in various charity meals, but this cannot completely erase the pain and rates of hospital admissions and suicides soar at this time of year.

Whatever approach you take to Christmas, give generously, receive graciously, enjoy the season and keep safe.

At Susan Rogan Family Care, we wish all our families and their nannies, and all our readers a joyful Christmas season and a happy new year.