Australia Day reflection

26th January, depending on your perspective is Australia Day, Invasion Day or Survival Day, or perhaps for many, a good excuse for a long weekend, the last one before the end of the summer holidays!

I remember when I was little being taken to Frankston foreshore to witness a re-enactment of Governor Phillip coming ashore in Sydney Cove and British sovereignty being proclaimed.  Even back then it was a somewhat mangy celebration.  The Bicentennial celebrations in Sydney, the tall ships on the harbour, fireworks (of course!) were much bigger and better produced!

At the same time as the Bicentennial celebrations in Sydney, the aboriginal people held an Invasion Day parade and established the first of many tent embassies, bringing home to us their perspective of what the coming of European settlement had done to their country: dispossess of their land, subject to restrictions on how and where they could live, 'stolen generations' and the impact of 'white man's' diseases. Survival Day takes up this theme in a slightly less confrontational way, celebrating the continuing culture of the indigenous people, particularly in the arts and music.

In an attempt to find a less controversial day to celebrate, ANZAC Day (25th April), commemorating Australia's first major war time battle and Federation Day (1st January) marking the joining of the states to form the Commonwealth have been suggested from time to time but with no real ground swell of popular sentiment.  After all, we already have public holidays on both these days and we couldn't give away another excuse for a holiday!

Looking at events for the holiday in our local paper, I saw several Citizenship Ceremonies.  What a wonderful commitment it is that immigrants make to become citizens, to give their allegiance to this country.  People come here for many reasons: to escape persecution, to make a better life than in their former country, generally meaning the economic and social opportunities, to join family members.  Apart from the indigenous Australians, we are a nation of immigrants, it's just some of our families came so long ago that citizenship ceremonies didn't exist!  It seems to me that there is something rather lovely about pledging allegiance to Australia, something I've never done except in the old Monday morning school ceremonies.  This view seems to be shared by Miriam Margolyes, the British born actor who toured an excellent show about Dickens last year, and will become a citizen on Saturday.  In an interview in the Canberra Times she said 'I want to take all the knowledge and experiences I gained when I was in England and put it at the service of Australia, because I have to bring something to Australia, not just money but myself.'

I'm not patriotic in the sense of believing Australia can do no wrong, nor am I fanatical for Australian sporting teams to win, but this is my home, and has been for many generations.

I like:

• our landscapes...'sweeping plains', 'ragged mountain ranges', 'far horizons','jewel seas';
• our way of life, and particularly the variety to food and culture that post-war immigration has brought;
• our informal attitudes to different people;
• when government shows a social conscience in its policy and law making;
• our willingness to 'pitch in' and help in times of disaster;
• our irreverence about all manner of things that others take seriously eg royalty, political institutions, status...

I don't like:

• the culture of heavy drinking and consequent violence;
• racism towards the different ethnic groups that make our community;
• unrelenting media coverage of sport;
• increasing poverty which reduces opportunities for people, particularly children, to achieve their potential.
• the negativity that pervades much public debate, and the lack of a vision for the years ahead for our nation.

Enjoy our day on 26th January, recognise that we still have far to go in our relationship with our original inhabitants and as Paul Hogan once said: 'throw another prawn on the barbie'!

Australian flag image is courtesy of http://freeaussiestock.com/free/Australiana/slides/australian_flag.htm

Professional boundaries!

Long gone are the days of nannies living in and staying with families for years after the children have grown as in Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited where Sebastian used to call in at the nursery to see his old nanny!  Nor are today's nannies like Mary Poppins pulling rambunctious children 'into shape' and rewarding them with wonderful adventures.

In Australia in the Twenty First Century, nannies typically live out  and work with families for given hours, usually during the 'business week'.  They tend to be aged from their mid twenties to mid forties, trained in modern child care and generally change positions after one or two years.  This is the era of the professional nanny.

In the modern world of a nanny's work, there is much greater informality than in the past.  Nannies and parents, and nannies and their charges are all on first name terms.  This reminds me of the story one of the nannies I trained who was working in the UK.  The nanny answered the phone one day, and was heard telling the caller she had the wrong number.  The mother asked who the call was for and the nanny replied "the Countess of xxxxx".  "That's me" said the mother.  While most nannies in Australia don't work for titled clients, some do work for well known families, others work for people who are very important within their fields but whoever the client family is, first names are used because that is the nature of our society.  It does not however, give permission to become over familiar with a client, and it is here that the role of professional boundaries is very important.

What is the role of a nanny?

It is to care for the children of the family, to foster their development socially, intellectually and physically, to ensure their safety and to act in the role of the parent in the parents' absence.

In this role you can have fun and be silly but you can not lose control of yourself or of the situation.  To ensure this, you need to establish with the children that you are in charge, not by being bossy but by having clearly established what is ok and what is not ok, with consequences following if behaviour is not ok.  To be able to do this effectively, you need to communicate clearly with parents so you are sure of what their limits are.  If these are very different from your own limits you still need to work with what the parents want, or of necessary look for work with a family whose views are more like your own.

Since the role of the nanny is child focused, that is where your communications with parents are focused.  It is not appropriate to:

• use a client as a confidant, nor to receive personal confidences from a parent.  The polite response if this seems likely to happen is to remind the parent of your role.
• snoop among the papers, bills, letters, emails etc that parents may leave where you can see them.  This is not your business.  Similarly, it is not appropriate to enter the parents' bedroom or to do their washing.
• gossip with partners, friends and other nannies about your clients.  Some prominent families may require that you sign a confidentiality clause, but this shouldn't be necessary because this gossip is something you should never do.  
• if there is an issue with a client eg frequently late home, discuss it with the client, and if you are not satisfied with the outcome, discuss it with the agency.  Do not discuss it with all your friends.

By maintaining professional boundaries, you also make it easier for you and the family to part when the job finishes.  You have been warm and friendly and an important part of the children's development but you are not an intimate personal friend so both your life and that of the family will go on, and after a short period of missing each other, everyone can go on to form new relationships with other families and carers.

Now is the time to plan for 2013

January 2013 and all the world has made (and already broken) resolutions, as well as making plans for the year.  Why should professional nannies be any exception?

1. Buy a large Page a Day Diary and use it to:

• mark all the family birthdays, with ages for the children.  (You can't make cards for Mummy's birthday if you don't know when it is!)

• mark any special occasions the family always celebrates

• record all school/preschool holidays and public holidays

• record any known appointments the children have

Keep this up to date, adding appointments, pick up times, play dates etc.

Parents can also use the diary to give feedback on the work you are doing.

2. Divide each page so there is a section for each child

• use these sections each week to plan the activities for each child, what you hope to achieve, and how each child reacts.

• make your diary available to the parents so they can see what you are doing with their children and how their children are developing.

While this may seem over the top, it it will stop you getting into a rut of doing the same things every day, or every week...they are familiar, the children enjoy them, they don't take much preparation or thought.  To keep yourself feeling fresh, to stop the children being bored and to extend their interests, skills and abilities variety is important.  So while drawing might be a frequent activity, vary it: subjects or free drawing, with different coloured and textured paper, different crayons, pens, pencils, chalks to draw outside etc.

Most modern early educators will follow the children's interests in preparing activities rather than working by topics eg the seasons, colours, weather etc, but using the children's interests does not do away with the need to plan appropriate activities.  Nor does it stop us from pointing out things that might interest children.  Pointing out a fluffy white cloud might interest one child, and lead to lots of learning opportunities while to another it might be 'ho hum, so what? Look at that car!'  Flexibility and different activities for different children of different ages and stages of development!

3. Develop your resource kits. Nannies who have been working for a number of years should have an excellent range of art and craft activities, play ideas for indoors and out, songs and games, books and internet resources.  How do you keep all this excellent information in a way that you can easily access it?
Possible ways include by:

• age range eg babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers and school aged

• type of activity eg craft (you might want to break this up into subdivisions like pasting, wool crafts, egg carton crafts etc), art, songs, stories, outdoor games, indoor games

• topics eg seasons, Christmas, nature (you might want to break this down eg trees, flowers, snails, caterpillars, butterflies), outings

It is also useful to cross reference your resources, or use colour coding eg mark crafts by colours for different ages.
It is also helpful to put comments after you have used different resources about how difficult you and the children found them and any ways you adapted them.

Links:
Early Years Learning Framework can be downloaded from this site.

Childhood101 Playopedia

Nurture Store is an excellent British resource including a weekly play planner.

Let the Children Play is an Australian site with many great ideas as well as being a great promoter of play and playfulness.

Enchanted Learning has a marvellous range of ideas on all sorts of subjects.

Sun Hats and Wellie Boots as the name suggests , is also British with many original ideas.



Those who need help with how to plan might find inspiration from Planning with Kids

Keep watching our Facebook page for ideas from many different Australian and overseas resources.

End of year reflections!

I don't know if it is the terrible slaying of school children in Newtown, Connecticut, the end of the year or advancing age, but I've been in a reflective mood for the last few days.

• The death of a child always seems worse than the death of an adult, and to have so many children, together with their teachers, killed in one incident is tragic.  It has raised the issue of greater control over the kind of weapons available in the US and I hope it is possible to get some limitation on this.  It is not for Australians to give advice on this, though the talk back lines and other media have run hot, but we should be grateful that guns are not such an important part of the culture here.  We should not overlook though, the continued violence to be found in our homes, which scars young lives and which, often fuelled by alcohol and drugs, is particularly prevalent at this time of year.  As adults who care about children we must set a better example, work to stop bullying and to practise and teach peaceful dispute resolution.

• The recent death of Dame Elizabeth Murdoch at the grand old age of103, has drawn attention to the wonderful role she paid in supporting the Royal Children's Hospital, the arts and many other charities.  While she was obviously a very wealthy woman, thanks to her husband and son's business acumen, she was public about much of her giving, not to gain personal glory but to set an example for us all to follow.  In your gift and food buying this Christmas have you put aside extra for those in need?

• In an obituary for Tony Charlton, a well known event and sports commentator, much was made of his sporting knowledge, but also of the fact that he volunteered 5 days a week at the Alfred Hospital in Melbourne.  Such voluntary work is another worthy example to follow.

• I'm very much a beginner in the blogging world, but note that this is the forty second that I have posted since March.  It has been a learning experience, and sometimes I find it hard to think of topics, and sometimes the words just don't come.  I have been amazed to see that I seem to have readers in such a variety of countries, and while I have been disappointed not to have generated more comments I hope that some of you may linger long enough to start some sort of discussion.  I would really enjoy the feedback.

• Looking at past posts I have noted that the most popular posts have been those relating to the work of nannies, particularly saying goodbye to families; nurturing a love of nature and the dance of parenthood.  I'm not sure if that represents a desire to see more on these subjects, or if they have been sufficiently covered....Let me know, please!

• I must thank my young models and their parents for allowing their photos to be used to illustrate these blogs.  Sienna, Hazel, Fraser, Jeanie, Logan and Ally your participation is much appreciated, and I hope Santa has something lovely in his sack for you to enjoy.

This is the last post for 2013: Christmas and summer holidays are just around the corner.  Look for more from SusanSays in January!

The office of Susan Rogan Family Care will be closed from Monday, 24th December and will reopen on Wednesday, 2nd January. 

From me, Susan, and everyone at Susan Rogan Family Care have a happy and safe Christmas and a wonderful holiday.

Safe Summer: a refresher course

It's December and with it have come a few 30°C days and already there are reports of children being locked in cars, bush and grass fires have started in various parts of the state and soon we'll have warnings about water safety on TV.  Each year it seems as if summer catches us unaware, and the things we knew last year have to be refreshed.  While we support the ideas of Free Range Kids and other advocates for children not being cocooned, this freedom should have some limits as far as basic safety is concerned.

So let's have a refresher on summer safety:

• Never leave children unattended in a car.  This morning's Age had a report saying that in the 12 months to August, Ambulance Victoria received reports of more than 900 children locked in cars.  their tests show that even on 29°C days temperatures inside a car can reach 44°C in 10 minutes and 60° within 20 minutes.

More information on leaving children in cars from the NRMA

• Dehydration affects babies and young children very quickly.  Feed babies more often, offer water to children before they play outside and then about every 20 minutes, and even when children are playing inside ensure water is always available.  Sugary drinks are not a replacement for water as they can often dehydrate. If the children are outside, try to alternate very energetic activities with some quieter play.

For more information on dehydration and children in hot weather see this page from the Better Health Channel

• Australia has very high rates of skin cancer, and the problems can start in childhood.  Remember the old: Slip on a t-shirt, Slop on the suncream (a broad spectrum, water-resistant SPF 30+,at least 20 minutes before exposure to the sun) and Slap on a hat (with a broad brim, not a cap).  Limit the amount of time children are exposed to direct sun, especially in the middle of the day, as suncream only reduces the risk of sunburn it does not prevent it. 

For further information on sun safety see the leaflet about Outdoor Play the Sunsmart Way, published by Sunsmart

• Water safety is essential, as children aged 0-4 have the highest rate of drowning of any age group in Australia, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.  The figure suggest though that few of these children die while swimming, paddling or wading, but rather as a result of falling or wandering into water.  The difference seems to be attributed to the fact that children of this age are generally not allowed to swim or paddle without adult supervision.  Backyard pools and inland waterways are high danger areas and children of this age are not able to reliably obey rules like 'don't go near the water'.  Often drownings in these circumstances are the result of confusion about who is meant to be supervising the child, so be sure to make this clear.  Older children are not appropriate as supervisors for their younger siblings as they can get involved in their own games.  Most public swimming pools now have signs about the minimum age required for those supervising little children.

For more information on water safety see the Child Safety Handbook published by the Royal Children's Hospital and Safe Fun with Water on the Raising Children network site.

• Supervision of children around barbecues, and camp fires, is essential.  Burns can be very painful and can scar for life.  Charcoal barbecues can be easily tipped over by children, or knocked over when they run past, and all retain enough heat to cause a burn for some time after they are extinguished.  Campfires are fun, but need to be properly extinguished and children kept away from the site until the ashes are cold. It should go without saying to obey the laws relating to Total Fire Ban days but this is just a refresher!  Given the weather on these days, it is also wise not to venture into bushland for a picnic.

For more information on children and barbecues I found a great page on www.air-n-water.com

• Insect bites can be a problem in summer.  Use the various repellents if children will be outdoors, especially in the late afternoon and early evening. Snakes can be a problem in some suburban areas, especially near lakes and creeks.  Teach older children to keep well away from snakes and keep a look out if younger children are outside in areas where snakes are prevalent, especially at dawn and dusk.

For more information on bites, stings etc see the Child Safety Handbook .

Summer in Australia is a wonderful time for holidays and outdoor living, which with a few sensible precautions can be a safe experience for people of all ages. Enjoy it, have fun and be careful when the weather is extreme.

Chri... the word I've been avoiding!

I've been avoiding it, but now December has started I really can't pretend Christmas is not upon us, though perhaps not, if the predictions of Doomsday on 21 December come to pass.  I have however lived through many such predictions so I think I just have to face reality and the growth of pre-Christmas hysteria: 

Shop 'til you drop... parties... baking... ideas for home-made decorations and gifts... food, food and more food... the odd drop of drink... trees to trim... arrangements for family get-togethers... Carols by Candlelight, all combined with end of year concerts... school break ups and speech nights and complicated by the weather, which in Melbourne at least can be 39 one day and 17 the next. Yes. it's December and we're creeping towards the Christmas climax.

Every year we wonder why we put ourselves through it and promise that it will be simpler, that we will be better organised, all presents will be bought by the end of November...yet somehow the fever strikes again.  

So why do we do it all?

Religious reasons.  For Christians it's the celebration of the birth of Christ, Emmanuel, God with us and is thus the basis for their celebrations, for carol singing, nativity scenes and plays and church services.

Cultural reasons. There is also the cultural overlay of Santa Claus/Father Christmas and a mighty commercial push to give bigger, better, more expensive gifts, to gather friends and families together to eat at tables groaning with food and to drink copiously, again the subject to much advertising.  Christmas has become a celebration of family, or of an ideal we have of family, often not matched by the reality of feuds and undercurrents!

Unavoidable reality. We can't avoid the fact that in Australia Christmas coincides with summer, the end of the school year and the long holidays so there will be a range of school/kinder/child care year activities combined with Christmas ones and younger children in particular will tend to be suffering from end of school tiredness and associated behaviours!

Tradition.  We've always done it this way.  Thus there are the historical images of bush huts sweltering in the heat with women over wood ovens turning out rich roast dinners and hot steamed puddings.  Fortunately over recent years, more and more people are turning to more weather appropriate meals: seafood, cold meats, salads, berries, ice cream puddings, but often each of these changes has been greeted with some mutterings about how 'Mum wouldn't have done it like that.'  And then there are the difficulties when couples marry. Where to go for Christmas: lunch at one and dinner at the other? Christmas Eve at one, Christmas Day at the other?  And still more complicated when there are different cultural and religious traditions in the two families!  And let's not forget all those songs and images of white Christmases!  Still we see Santa arriving on surfboards and fire trucks, by plane in outback communities, by Six White Boomers according to Rolf Harris.  And occasionally we might even sing an Australian Christmas Carol like 'The north wind is tossing the leaves' or the 'Carol of the Birds' to give a taste of reality amongst all that northern hemisphere snow!

Newspapers, magazines and blogs since about September have been full of advice about:

• stress free approaches to it all;

• the need in our wealthy world to adopt a simpler approach;

• the value of taking time to enjoy the excitement, especially of children;

• the fact that many people will go without, so we should give time and money to enable them to share in the seasonal festivities;

• the perennial debate about whether schools, preschools and child care centres should sing Christmas carols or have nativity plays, or even celebrate the season at all out of deference to those of other or no religions

Unfortunately for many in our community, this is a difficult time of the year.

• Those who have lost much loved members of their family during the year face the fist celebration without them.  In our house, we always toast 'absent friends' which brings to mind these family members, and those who are also separated by distance interstate or overseas.
• Alcohol and drugs and the road toll will spoil the season for many families, bringing death, injury, violence and unpleasantness and each year the joy will be tinged with the sadness of remembrance of these events.
• The lonely, mentally ill and the homeless members of our society feel excluded from the spirit of family and togetherness and sentimentality that pervade our celebrations and media.  Many wonderful people give time and effort to including these marginalised members of society in various charity meals, but this cannot completely erase the pain and rates of hospital admissions and suicides soar at this time of year.

Whatever approach you take to Christmas, give generously, receive graciously, enjoy the season and keep safe.

At Susan Rogan Family Care, we wish all our families and their nannies, and all our readers a joyful Christmas season and a happy new year.

Sex and sexism!

At present, every newspaper, current affairs program and talk back radio show seems to be full of sex, sexism or both.

We have had:

• The appalling stories of child sexual abuse both within the Catholic church and more broadly in the community, which have led to the announcement of a federal government Royal Commission.  While this is not before time, it will be a massive undertaking and will be in the media for a long time to come.  It is be hoped that raising the community's awareness of the issue will ultimately lead to solutions being found that both reduce the incidence and help the victims recover and also punish the perpetrators and those who have covered up their crimes.
• The apparently sexually motivated murders of 2 young women in a short period of time which have resulted in marches to end the violence against women, and to 'Reclaim the night' so that women can go out at night safely. Along with this, there was the annual celebration (if that is the right word) of White Ribbon Day last week to raise awareness of broader issues of violence against women.
• The Prime Minister's now famous 'misogyny' speech aimed at the Leader of the Opposition but which has also led to a heightened awareness of sexism and how it affects attitudes to women and their role in society. 
• In reflecting on young men and 'date rape', sexual assaults and general hooligan behaviour I heard someone suggesting that adolescent males needed to learn about proper behaviour towards young women.  I thought of a story I heard recently when a 4 year old  told his very sensitive 'new age' father that he was boss of his wife, the boy's mother, probably an idea he had picked up from daycare as it was never an idea even considered in the home.  I think the attitude towards women starts in community attitudes that children pick up long before adolescence and despite recent efforts to educate men and the community in general we have a long way to go. It is probably a case of how people treat each other that is the issue, as violence between men is not appropriate either.
• Yesterday the Minister for Defence and the Chief of the Armed Forces issued a statement apologising for sexual abuse within the armed Forces and promising to redress the issues.
• This has been followed by the release today of figures showing the lack of women in senior management positions in Australian companies.  Men hold 2148 line management positions in the top 500 ASX companies compared to 141 women, according to Adele Ferguson in this morning's Age.  In discussing this she raises the issue of women leaving the workforce at least temporarily, to have children and calls for governments to consider the impact their decisions have on working women, including the need for a complete overhaul of the childcare system.  While obviously some employers are more family friendly than others, there is a need for more flexible working arrangements for women and for a range of flexible childcare responses. As a nanny agency we can tailor our services to meet the needs of working families, but we often find we need couples to consider staggering their working hours so that their nannies don't have to 12 or more hours.  Nannies are people with their own lives too, and will quickly burn out if expected to work 60 hour weeks!

Yes, sex and sexism has been in the news and it raises hard issues.  It would be easy to throw up our hands and say 'it is all too hard', or 'that the Government must do something' but it also begins with us. 

As parents, nannies, child care workers we need to:

• encourage mutual respect between children, and model in our dealings with each other and with children, ways of respectfully behaving.   
• to practise and teach assertiveness and the recognition of our rights and the rights of others.  
• be aware of the subtle ways that sexism permeates our attitudes and guard against its influence.  In our picture the boy says 'Mum, I'm wearing the blue dress cos I'm a boy'

It is up to us to create the world we want for our children.