How to choose the right nanny!

Once a family has decided to pursue care for their children in their own home by a nanny, the big question is 'How do we choose the right nanny?'

You may want the perfect nanny, but in this real world, let's focus on choosing the right nanny for you and your children.

Obviously as an agency owner(Susan Rogan Family Care) I would recommend using the services of a reputable agency to assist you with this task.  We meet all our potential nannies face to face, sight their Working with Children and police checks, their qualifications and their work history.  We check referees to verify their experience and performance, and list their availability on our database along with any particular strengths and any special requirements eg needing a smoke-free environment, allergies.

When the agency receives a request for a nanny, you will be asked about your requirements, the structure of your household, other care arrangements or activities, use of a car and special needs of the children.  We advise you about the cost of hiring a nanny, and will often recommend a labour-hire model where, for a fee, we pay the nanny during her employment by you and take care of associated employment responsibilities like tax, superannuation and WorkCover.  The other main use of an agency is to recruit a nanny, with the family undertaking all the responsibilities of employer. After consultation we will look at our database and arrange with you to meet one or more of our candidates. 

This is where your work starts!

The candidates that you meet can all potentially do the job you ask, but the decision is yours.

You want a nanny who fits in with your particular family.  A quiet, gentle person may not fit with a family with three very active, sport mad little ones.  A warm, relaxed but messy nanny might not suit you if you value a very ordered, clean house.

To help make the decision you will need to give some thought to:

• the style of your own parenting
• your values
• your personalities as parents as well as those of your children
• the activities you want the nanny to be responsible for

Our agency will give clients advice on questions they may find helpful during an interview, or there are on line resources eg Nanny Interview Questions
When the time comes for the interview with the nanny, try to arrange for both parents to spend some quiet time with her asking questions to satisfy your main concerns and then make time for the nanny to meet the children and to spend a little time interacting with them.  You do not have to let the nanny know your decision at the time of interview, rather discuss your impressions and decision with the consultant.  You might choose to see more candidates, or be delighted with the first one you meet.  If you are unsure, you might see if the candidate can spend a couple of hours with you and the children so you can see for yourself how they all get on.

Once you decide to employ a candidate, contracts are signed and then we advise a trial period, with either party being able to withdraw without notice.

When a nanny is employed under a labour-hire model, the agency continues to be available for consultation during the period of employment so any issues can be swiftly resolved, and regular home visits are made to ensure that the arrangement continues to work well. 

Parents who decide to employ a nanny without the use of an agency must undertake all the recruitment and employment responsibilities themselves.  This can be an onerous task for those working full time.

Remember, you might not find a magical Mary Poppins, but the most important thing is to find a nanny who is competent and with whom you are comfortable, so that your children are safe, nurtured and assisted to develop their skills and knowledge.

Nannies - they just play with kids!

I have often heard people say that nannies don't really work, they just play with kids.  A double put down, both of nannies and of the importance of play.

In earlier posts, I have made clear my view that good, professional nannies work hard.  Their role is diverse as they care for children, guide their development and behaviour, keep them 'fed and watered' and give them emotional security in the absence of their parents.

Today though, I want to look at the other area: 'play'.

The Oxford Dictionary Online defines the verb to play as to 'engage in activity for enjoyment or recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.'  As early childhood workers though, we know that for children, play is far more than this.  As Jean Piaget said, 'Play is the work of childhood.'

It is through play that children learn. This is recognised as by the central importance of play in the Early Years Learning Framework.

A baby is playing with a rattle in her highchair drops the rattle and learns:

• about her physical world: gravity, spatial awareness (up and down), sound.
• about her social world: consequences (frustration with no toy), relationships when someone picks up the toy, fun (when dropping the rattle becomes a game with the person picking it up)

An infant is painting a picture.  His red paint line goes over the blue one and a different colour is seen. He learns the outcome of mixing pigments.

A child is balancing on a log with a parent's steadying hand and lets go.  She teeters but maintains balance, learning the use of muscles, eyes and vestibular organ while doing so.  Edges along the log, nearly slips but is steadied by the parent....still learning all the skills required for balance, learning again the reassurance of a parent's presence and the joy of being able to do things herself.

One big boy and one little girl on a see-saw...learn informally about forces and physics without knowing, as they do when they learn to 'work' the swing by themselves.

During these early years, play is the means of learning about themselves and their physical and social environments.  It is for this reason that children need a range of play experiences.  Just as we give babies toys with different textures and colours, so we need to give children indoor and outdoor experiences, alone and with others, with a range of substances and with some freedom to use materials unconventionally and creatively.    Experiences need to grow with the child so that they gradually learn more complex skills and face new challenges. Thus the body and mind are prepared for later more formal learning activities, and more organised play.

Play, however, does not end with childhood, but it does change form and starts to align more with the Oxford Dictionary definition.  Adult play is often in the form of hobbies, catching up with friends, outdoor activities like jogging, cycling, camping and bushwalking, although I hesitate to include sporting activities that are more competitive in nature.

Playfulness too, is the source of much fun and creativity.  The art of Mirka Mora and Michael Leunig demonstrate this combination.  Word plays and humour, particularly that which reflects joyfully on the quirks of human nature rather than that with a more political intent are also examples of playfulness.  And who does not enjoy a gathering of friends and family overflowing with love and good humour.

The 'Eight Hour Movement' of the Nineteenth Century was about what is now known as work-life balance: eight hours work, eight hours rest and eight  hours recreation.  That is still a good rule!

So yes, nannies do play with children, but in that process are preparing them for life.

For those looking to further explore play, there are many excellent websites relating to children.
Among others I would suggest;
Let the Children Play
Free Range Kids
Childhood 101
DEEWR Early Years Framework
Australian Children's Education and Care Quality Authority 

The death of a child

Friday 29th June is Red Nose Day, when we are encouraged to make fools of ourselves for a serious cause.  For those of you who don't know, that cause is SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), now expanded to include other childhood deaths, as SIDS and Kids.

It seems ages since the day started and when checking, found this year marks the 25th year.  In that time, the SIDS and Kids Foundation has 

• raised awareness of SIDS,
• funded extensive research leading to an intensive community and professional education program which has resulted in the marked reduction of SIDS in Australia,
• created a 24/7 National Bereavement Support Line (1300 308 307).

With the reduction in the incidence of SIDS, the foundation has broadened its role to the areas of sudden unexplained death in childhood (SUDC) and to deaths as a result of accident.

A less tangible benefit of the SIDS and Kids work is that there has been an increased awareness of death in childhood in the community.  

As I mentioned in an earlier post, this is probably the greatest fear of any parent.  The death of a child is shocking.  The funeral of a child is overwhelmingly sad. The absence of a child from the intimate family and friend network is an appalling gap. 

There is nothing to say that doesn't sound trite or clichéd.  There are limits to the number of casseroles and cakes that a family can eat.

So what can you do?

• Be there, in person and by phone but only for brief calls. Don't avoid the family just because you feel unable to cope: it's ok to say that you don't know what to say.  Don't feel you have to be bright and cheerful, just sit quietly and listen. Don't presume to know how someone is feeling: ask. People need space as well as company. 
• Mention the child's name when talking. Share any memories you have and ask for the parent's memories.  Take copies of any photos you might have.  Don't be afraid of tears, and don't disapprove of laughter about happy times. 
• Continue to ask the family to social events that you would have invited them to prior to the child's death, suggesting that they need only stay as long as they can manage.
• Remember that any children in the family are also grieving and experiencing a tremendous dislocation.  Don't forget to talk to them too, about their brother or sister.  Don't smother them with attention/affection, but don't ignore them or think they are too small to notice the change.  Even very young babies are sensitive to changes in atmosphere.
• Ask if you can bring a rose, rosemary or some other plant for the family's garden to remember the child, or make a donation in memory of the child to a children's charity.
• Avoid the unhelpful, false hope of comments like 'time heals', 'you'll soon feel better', 'keep busy'.  Everyone copes in their own way.
• Many families attend annual memorial services on Red Nose Day, and you can join them to commemorate the children who have died.

If you check the SIDS and Kids website, there are many resources that you can read that will help you to understand a little of what families may feel and think, and what they have found helpful.  http://www.sidsandkids.org/bereavement-support/

And in the next few days, if you see a stall for SIDS and Kids, or are approached to buy a red nose or other merchandise, give generously. 

"I don't want to leave my child."

When people ring the agency about hiring a nanny, one of the commonest lines we hear is:
"My maternity leave is coming to an end, and I have to go back to work, but I don't want to leave my child."

This is only natural, and the result of time spent bonding with your baby.  You are in love with this wonderful little being, and as in any love affair, you don't want to be apart.

Behind this however, are usually a number of anxieties:

• the nanny won't look after my child as well as I do
• my child will miss me
• my child will love the nanny more than me
• the nanny might hurt my child

Responding to these, we attempt to reassure parents that:

• No one will look after a child as well as you, but a good nanny will provide a high quality of physical care, help a child develop skills, give emotional support and have fun.
• Yes, your child will miss you, and may cry when you leave and return, but these are signs that the child has formed a good attachment (just like you have bonded), but when you are not there your child will settle and adapt to the nanny's presence.
• If your child is well attached to you, you can expect the child to attach to the nanny.  This is healthy and is not a sign that you are loved less.  Love is not a finite amount that has to be divided up, it is infinite and expands to include many figures, especially those that provide warmth and nurture.
• It is highly unlikely that your child will be harmed by the nanny.  Our nannies are interviewed, police checked, trained, experienced and carefully reference checked. They work as nannies because they enjoy looking after children, and so are unlikely to harm a child. The agency has a policy of 'no tolerance' of abuse and any allegations would be immediately referred to Child Protection and the police.

The other main issue is guilt based on the belief that 'I SHOULD care for my child.'

To this we usually say that this is a belief that society has fed in the past when a woman married and devoted herself exclusively to the welfare of her family.  These days women do have careers, their incomes are important to maintaining a household, especially if they are the sole breadwinners, and it is accepted that the years of intensive parenting cover only a small part of a woman's life, though in different roles, parenting is lifelong.

So parents, leave your child in the care of a professional nanny and relax.  Both you and your children will benefit from the experience.

Nannies: 5 tips to make life easier!

Nannies, from experience, I know your days can be busy, and expectations high so here are some tips on how to keep organised and not feel as though time is passing, your days are filled, but somehow they all feel the same.

• Buy an expanding file (or set up a file on your computer) and label it Activity Ideas.  Then label sections/subheadings with Indoors, Outdoors, Rainy Day, Outings.  You can break these down further if you wish eg Indoors: Toddler; Indoors: Preschool; Indoors: Crafts.  Under these headings, sort all the ideas you have collected over the years and are still collecting, and add new ones as you go.  We know that activity suggestions are very popular on our Facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Susan-Rogan-Family-Care/208310935855127

• Make a weekly timetable.  This is not about being regimented, 'ring the bell and change activities', it is to give you (and your client family) a guideline of what you are planning for the week.  Just list the days, and put activities next to them.  This will also help keep track if you have specific timetabled activities eg story time at the library; Gymbaroo.  It also helps you not to fall into a rut, doing the same things all the time and that you get a balance of indoor and outdoor time.  You also need to build in a routine of tidying up after lunch and each play activity so the house doesn't look like a bomb blast at the end of the day (even if you found it that way).

• While I've suggested a weekly timetable, bring with you each day a flexible attitude so that you can be spontaneous eg you've planned an outing to the park but it's raining cats and dogs.  Just like adults, children vary in their moods and sometimes your initial plans just aren't appropriate on the day.  Of course, too, they grow and develop new skills so what you were doing with them 2 or 3 months ago needs variation to still present a challenge.

• Set up a communication book with your client families.  In the front list:

                Address and telephone number of the house
                Parent(s) names remembering that parents may have different surnames,                                           workplaces and contact numbers and emergency contact numbers
                Children's names, dates of birth
                Important medical conditions of children eg allergies, epilepsy
                Name, address and phone number of family doctor
          Each day enter what the children had for lunch, activities and reactions, any quirky
          sayings, minor accidents etc.  Ask parents also to contribute eg children unwell.

• Give yourself time greet the children and communicate with parents at the beginning of the day by being on time. At the end of the day, don't rush out the door when you hear the car in the drive, but take time to say goodbye to the children, give them a hint of what you'll do the next day you see them, and spend a few minutes with the parents.

Who knows, with all this organisation Supernanny may be looking for a new job and you'll be out there starring !!!!

What's a parent worth?

Late last year I was asked to give evidence in a damages case that required me to estimate the financial value of a mother.

Not being an economist, I based my valuation on nanny care costs, plus some additional amounts for household management.  It was very much a 'guesstimate' and undoubtedly an underestimate, as I vaguely recall the occasional newspaper story which has come up with an astronomical amount based on the hourly wage rates for all the different aspects of being a parent eg child care, cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, etc.

The problem with these estimates is that they are an attempt to put a figure on only part of the parenting role.  Sometimes there are attempts to add in the value of such roles as counselling and social organisation,  but these tend to be in the more 'humorous' articles.

Of course, too, these attempts only consider the economic value of parents, but what are the intangibles of being a parent, or perhaps more accurately, a child's experience of a parent?

Some possibilities might include:

• Love, a bond of mutual care, belonging. Ideally this doesn't require a child to be good, or act in some prescribed manner to be experienced.

• Dependability, the 'being there factor', the backstop.  Even when parents feel inadequate, the fact that they don't run away or shirk the issues is something many children value. 

• Shared history, a knowledge of shared experiences good and bad, that shape our lives.  Outsiders might share some of these, but it is the day to day shared experience, and often little details, that children remember.

These, I think, are the most important parts of parenting, and are the parts that last.  Some us are more fortunate than others in these areas and their economic value lies in their absence because where they are missing, mental health can be at risk.

But does parenting ever stop?  Those of us with elderly parents know that while they may now be increasingly dependent on us to meet a variety of their needs, they are still our parents.  When they die, it is these intangibles that we will miss most.

5 ways for a nanny to lose a dream job

Nannies, at the end of last week's post I did promise you this....so take note and practise well if you want to lose your dream job.

1. Be demanding, asking for as much money per hour as you can get, because, if people are rich enough to afford a nanny they can afford to pay more.  If possible, even if you've told the agency that you are happy with the amount being offered, try to squeeze a bit more at interview.

2. Be late, or better still, ring at the last minute and cancel the day's work, because you are only looking after children for people who should really be at home looking after their own children.

3. Be less than honest about your daily activities, after all you have the whole day to fill in and with no one watching, who knows what you do????.  Since they can't tell, park babies and young children front of the TV while you phone your friends or use Facebook.  With older children, set them to play, then get on the phone, breaking off from time to time to supervise.  When you go out with the children, spend most of the time in the neighbourhood cafe meeting up with friends.  Don't tidy after the children have played so the parents know their treasures have been busy.  Leave your dishes for the parents to wash because they'll have to clean up after dinner anyway.

4. Be disrespectful of family values, using food, especially lollies, as bribes and using threats to get the behaviour you want.  Who's going to know, and anyway, that's what most people do, isn't it?  Isn't it?

5. Be a snoop and blabbermouth, reading mail, bills etc, and telling all your friends details of the family's life.  If they don't want thins made public, the parents shouldn't leave them lying around.  And if you are really sneaky, there's money to be made from the gossip mags.

Over the past two blogs, I've given parents and nannies the benefit of my advice on what to do to break their relationships.  I'm sure you have realised that I have been somewhat tongue in cheek, and neither our clients nor our nannies fit these stereotypes.

The golden rule for the nanny-client relatuionship, as for all realtionships, is to be respectful of each other and to communicate clearly and honestly.